09.06.07
Mallory v1.05
Yeah, yeah. It’s way past time. I know.
First of all, all that stuff in the comments? Didn’t happen.
Second of all, I very nearly sat down to write this while I was in Dayton but I figured awing you all with my ability to compose it on the fly would have been far outweighed by the sight of me bashing my skull against the keyboard, not to mention the anti-social message that would have sent at breakfast. Besides, I think DDD was wanting to update her MySpace page.
Edit ~ for the latecomers to the Mallory tale, if you click on Mallory under Categories in the sidebar, or click on the Mallory tag at the top of this post, you will see a page with only Mallory posts. They are in reverse order, so read from the bottom up.
So, I’m standing there, at the end of the dock, trying to ignore all the little problems that seem to be creeping up during this case. You know, like Chloe thinking I got the hots for Tab even though she knows I never get involved with clients. The little digs she offers… just examples of how imperfect Tab really is. I feel like I’m back in friggin’ gradeschool. Jeez.
Nah, that’s a minor problem. Doesn’t even compare to the fact that Tab’s all but seized up on me and ain’t worth a nickel for information anymore. Killing that punk has really done a number on her. I got half a mind to drop the case right now. And I would, except for the kinda big problem I’m facing at the moment: I know the guy sittin’ on Tab’s parents’ boat. None other than Danny Martinez, Chloe’s boss at the strip joint. Yep, I’m fucked.
Worse than that, Chloe’s gotta get outta here too, ’cause if this hombre is responsible for whatever happened to Tab’s parents, he wouldn’t think twice about makin’ a nosey stripper disappear.
Which means, of course, I gotta think of something right quick because I can see Chloe walking down the dock toward me and there ain’t no way I’m gonna be able to head her off before Danny sees her. I do get a little distracted for a moment, but you can’t really blame me. She’s got one hot, tight body, and that little black bikini really shows it off well. And even just walking it’s like she’s dancing. As I start back toward her, I try to time it so’s we wind up at the transom of Midas’ Touch at the same time.
Danny’s on deck watching me as we approach. Chloe’s watching me, too, a curious look on her face. I’m blowin’ it here. I break into a big grin and open my arms wide. She’s confused for about half a second and then plays along and rushes to me.
“Chloe?”
We break off a kiss that I hadn’t realized we’d started and Chloe turns to the boat.
“Danny! What are you doing here?”
God, I love this kid.
“On vacation. What are you doing here?” Danny looked me up and down, recognizing me but unable to place me.
“I took a week off.” Turning to me, she said, “You remember Mal? He used to come into the club now and then.”
“Right. The bounty hunter, right?”
“No, P.I. Bounty hunting is a bit more dangerous than I’m looking for. It’s worse than being in repo. I handle divorce cases, mostly.”
“Whatcha doing here with my Chloe?”
His possessiveness irritated me. Chloe sensed it and gently squeezed my arm.
“We figured to rent a sailboat for a while.” Danny glared at me. “Look, I know you got a policy, but I ain’t a customer no more, and I haven’t been for a good while now. Chloe and me ran into each other a couple months back. We’re just friends.”
He didn’t look convinced, but I don’t think he was looking to start an argument either.
“Yeah, well, we’ll talk about it when I get back, Chloe. Don’t get in any trouble while your down here.”
“I won’t,” she said with a smile. And then she tugged on my arm and we headed back to shore.
It was when we were walking back arm in arm, with the feeling of her swaying beside me, that I realized Chloe’d slipped me her tongue. Shit, shit, shit. I’m so screwed.
Louisa said,
September 6, 2007 at 7:31 pm
I haven’t had the pleasure of the beginning chapters, but I enjoyed this scene. Verb tense stuff gives me fits–it’s hard to keep in mind what tense I’m using, and then it’s hard to figure out when to change it to get the right effect.
The voice is very entertaining. I’m right away comfortable with Mallory. Good stuff. Oops, I’m on spelling duty again.
Is there a place to read the beginning?
Bryan said,
September 6, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Louisa, if you click on “Mallory” under the Categories section in the sidebar, it will bring up only the Mallory posts.
Louisa said,
September 6, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Thanks. Will do.
And the fifth grader is still wrestling with pedestal, quadruped, podiatrist, pedometer, tripod……
McB said,
September 7, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Ooooh, another Mallory installment. I just love Mallory. This like the old time serial movies. Next time provide popcorn. And next time to make us wait so long.
orangehands said,
September 7, 2007 at 8:20 pm
MCB: that was, don’t make us wait so long next time, right?
i’m really impressed with how you’re able to keep the voice together even after you take a break for weeks. you have a beautiful flow. can’t wait for the next installment
Sheryl said,
September 8, 2007 at 8:09 am
Will be interesting to see where Mallory goes from here. Very interesting.
jenb said,
September 8, 2007 at 8:29 am
Thank you for continuing to keep us entertained.
Looking forward to seeing what happens in the next installment.
me said,
September 10, 2007 at 7:56 am
I love your writing, Bryan, always crisp and in character (and what a character he is!). But I have a question…maybe it’s stupid but I am genuinely interested in knowing…how can he not have noticed that a hot bikini-ed woman licked his tonsils? Is he just really focused on his work, or is he just your average oblivious man? (I’d like to think if I licked someone’s tonsils, he’d know it.) Maybe that will come out in later installments…
Bryan said,
September 10, 2007 at 8:18 am
Me… Oblivious… I mean the guy didn’t even realize they’d been kissing in the first place until after they broke it off.
More obliviousness to come…
Sheryl said,
September 10, 2007 at 9:42 am
No one can be that oblivious. C’mon. He’s hyper aware of her hot little body the rest of the scene.
Bryan said,
September 10, 2007 at 10:22 am
No, he’s hyper-aware for a “moment” and then he’s back to watching Danny. But anyway, I never claimed to have thought it through… you get it raw, plot holes and everything.
me said,
September 10, 2007 at 11:12 am
Oh, I understand the whole rawness of the draft thing. I was just curious if maybe I missed something. Thanks!
Sheryl said,
September 10, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I’m incredibly jealous that your raw is this good. My raw is completely incoherent.
BCB said,
September 11, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Okay, babe, I’ll admit it’s been a while since I’ve been over here. If you’d post more often, I’d come more oft– never mind.
You will please explain to me why this story is a hobby and not deserving of your full attention? Because it is Just Wrong to have that much talent and that strong of a voice and not DO SOMETHING WITH IT. Geez. You’re making me feel like a kindergarden teacher who has to grab a kid by the ear to get his attention. Knock it off already.
1) Get serious. 2) Finish the story. 3) Submit it. 4) Revel in the glory of being a published author. 5) Fend off whack-job fans.
Okay, skip #5. But let me know if you need help with 1-4. Um, that is, with 1-3. No problem.
Bottom line, Bryan, one does not squander a gift with impunity. And you’re walking a fine line.
Mum said,
September 12, 2007 at 10:59 am
I just had a feeling of deja vu; BCB sounds EXACTLY like your kindergarten teacher. Do you even remember how many times that poor women almost resorted to tears in order to get your attention?
You are like a tree; branches going in all directions at the same time and always another new shoot reaching for the sun.
Bryan said,
September 13, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Mum,
I barely remember kindergarten. I know at Camp Springs Mrs. Greene was my teacher and I have vague memories of what she looked like, and I remember a long bank of windows along one wall, and the day the praying mantis got loose. I remember the walk to school, slightly uphill I think (but only one way). At Lincoln, I have a general idea of what the classroom looked like but not much else. I have no idea who my teacher was there.
I do remember flying kites in Virginia Beach during our time living in a hotel on the beach before we moved to California and also learning that model ships are not seaworthy.