Conversational boundaries
August 13th, 2008 at 04:33pm Cherry Magic Sheryl
It’s awfully quiet in my house right now. Scope should be at Churchill Downs by now. She sounded very excited when I spoke with her this morning. It’s their first real vacation in a long time. I hope they enjoy themselves but I don’t want to hear all about it if you know what I mean (nudge nudge wink wink, say no more)
An older woman athet library felt the need to tell me yesterday that her sex life is still quite healthy. Good for her. I guess when you’re in your 80’s that’s something to be thrilled about. But I’m not sure why she felt the need to tell me* about it. Although I can write hot, I don’t want to know details about other people’s lives. There’s a huge ick factor there for me*. Some things should stay private and between the involved parties. I feel intrusive and awkward hearing certain information.
There are a lot of things I don’t want to know about other people. Personal body functions are high on the list. Sexual preferences and activities. The entire day’s food consumption(unless it involves a recommendation or dessert). Personal financial statement. Anything that may lead to them being the lead story on the Evening News.
There are exceptions to all of the above and I don’t know what they are until they come up. Close friends and CBs can always share with me*. Vent, rant, rail, commiserate, meditate and analyze. There are times when anyone of those can lead to a life-changing decision or action. I’d hate to let my personal squeamishness get in the way.
Do you have any boundaries when it comes to conversation and personal sharing?
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100 Comments Add your own
1. K.L. | August 13th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
My acid test for what I will and will not share is this: If I told my mother, and she told all her friends, how would I react? If I would be embarrassed, then I won’t share it because she will. And it will come back to me*. You just have to assume that nothing you say will be kept quiet. With that attitude, you either become very quiet or just get kind of immune to most of it.
Of course, I got immune, so it takes a lot to phase me* now. However, I still keep lots of stuff to myself, because my mom still can’t keep a secret.
2. CMS | August 13th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I’m as guilty as the next person for over-sharing. I tend to do it when I’m working through some thought process. My internal edit button doesn’t work in those moments. But there are certain things that are just Too Much Information, simply none of my business. Yesterday’s conversation was one of those moments. On the other hand(cause I love having two hands with which to weigh everything) if it helps someone to share private, then I’ll listen. But it has to serve a purpose.
3. Lou | August 13th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Interesting post, CMS!
K.L. - I have the same problem with DH. He’s never heard anything that can’t be passed on…
Having said that, I’ve never known anyone who can stand there and look perfectly innocent (DH) and have some strange person come up to him out of the blue and proceed to tell him the most intimate details of their lives. Women tell him all about their sex lives and marital problems while he’s waiting in line at the bank or elsewhere. He comes home and tells me what they told him and I’m appalled - he’s amused. Go figure…
My boundaries are always determined by how close I am with that person. (For me*, boundaries don’t exist with close friends.) I will discuss things with a good friend that I don’t want to hear about from a stranger. I’m also happy to listen to rants and complains as long as it doesn’t disintegrate into whinning. I had limits about what I wanted to hear about from my Mom, and she was such a private person that those limits were never breached.
To see how far people will go talking about stuff in public, here’s a link to one of the funniest sites I’ve ever seen. It’s called “Overheard in New York”: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
4. Lou | August 13th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
And I should warn you - if you are offended by bad language, it’s probably not the site for you.
5. Louis | August 13th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
That’s OK, Lou…I enjoyed that site.
CMS…
Good post. I’m squeemish about confidences that get too personal. Never pass them on to others.
6. Lori | August 13th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I don’t really have verbal boundries (sad but true), but try to be aware and respectful of the boundries of other people.
Lou’s DH & I also have some stuff in common. Random strangers have been telling me their life stories forever, and I choose to laugh about it. My friends are amused by my ability to “pick up strays” no matter where we go. I really don’t like people that much (present company excluded), so I’m not sure why they seem to like me. Maybe it’s my job. Librarians and bartenders… sympathetic ear required.
Salespeople also always think I look like a mark, so they always stop me. Too bad for them that I’m the least likely person to buy. They figure it out quick (because I tell them) and I’m on my way, but that get annoying sometimes.
So what is it about some people that makes people want to tell them everything? Let me know, so I can stop sending off the vibe.
7. McB | August 13th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
It’s true that some people seem to have no inhibitions about sharing. I’m not precisely sure where my TMI line is. Probably the litmus test lies in whether or not I’d feel comfortable repeating it to my mother.
But I can understand the need to unburden, too. Sometimes my mind works overtime worrying at something, a conversation or thought or worry that just chases around in my head like a demon squirrel. That’s where good friends come in handy because they get that sometimes you just need to get it OUT. There is a different, though, between venting and spewing intimate details.
8. GatorPerson | August 13th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I’m much more of a listener than a talker. Only CBs know much about me. Even there, I don’t say much specific at the B&G because of not knowing who the lurkers might be. And then there are the search engines that extract stuff that I don’t want extracted for the world to see.
OTOH, because MIL now relies on me beyond beyond, I must quiz her much more deeply than I ever have before or have been comfortable with. Now it takes a lot of gently questioning to get at her reality. At the same time, she wants me to because she knows I’m looking out for her.
DH is always amazed that people reveal so much to me. I reveal back almost nothing. Maybe some people give off listener pheromones. The talkers are the easy ones to identify. They’re talking.
If an 80 yo woman wanted to tell me about her active sex life, I’d probably want to take notes!
9. CMS | August 13th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I was heartened by her activity on the one hand but it came out of the blue. It’s not like this lady and I talk all the time. The last conversation we had prior to this one was about her border collie pup. She did add that her daughters are appalled that she tells strangers exactly what she thinks. She said a lot more people have sex than us youngsters think
10. LtL | August 13th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I talk all the time. Correction: I post all the time. There’s a lot more verbal energy in my fingers than in my mouth. The things I keep to myself are probably not the things others keep to themselves, which is what makes it a good ballgame, I guess.
Part of the reason for my being so self-revelatory is that I hope others will reciprocate. Other people fascinate me. The only kinds of personal stuff I don’t want to listen to are the ones in which the story tellers can’t keep the pronouns straight. But I will stop people and ask for clarification. Yesterday we had a new water heater put in. I now know a whole lot about the man who put it in. He was so sweet–he married a woman with three teenagers! That gives me hope, you see. I worry about the fact that he has his insurance and his home loan with the same company, but I decided not to alarm him with advice.
In my family, we do not discuss bodily functions or spread bad news. If Mom and I had not had the same cleaning lady for some years, I don’t think I’d have known anything about any troubles in the family. In a discussion with my sister about the virtues of Vonage, she said, “If Mom wants to call Mrs. F.” I told DS that Mrs. F had died over five years ago, so that wouldn’t be a factor. But, yeah, we wouldn’t interrupt a vacation to tell someone that some relative had died. They’re dead, so there’s nothing else to do, right? And this has actually happened.
So, boundaries? I have none. None.
11. LtL | August 13th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
And I’m so happy to hear that Scope & GAM are having a romantic vacation! Thank you for the post, CMS. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my reaction to the post that I forget to relay my gratitude to those of you who post and get the CB Express started up. Keeping up a blog is a lot of work; I’m glad that there are good hands here to pitch in.
12. Mary | August 14th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Me, my boundaries are more physical.
When I sent out my physical address to attending CBs, that felt over the line to me. I mean, I trust the CBs not to use my home address for mailing me anything, but even so it felt intrusive to divulge that information.
I used to work a few cubicles down from a woman who had a powerful carrying voice, and who felt impelled to call her doctor every afternoon to discuss the status of her urinary tract infection. (Ask me how I know so much about her UTI. Go on, ask me.)
There are times when it pays to speak the truth, but rather softly.
13. Mary | August 14th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Er… that comment should have started out “Me*” not “Me”
dang that invisible asterisk…
14. CMS | August 14th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Oh the irony. I blog over here about over-sharing then write a post on my own blog about kissing. There is a connection. One of the conversations that inspired this post led to something, and a dream, that inspired that one.
Mmmm these words sure are tasty. Must be the sweet cherry flavour.
15. Andi | August 14th, 2008 at 8:45 am
For people in my basic age range, I don’t really have boundaries for listening. I tend to joke lots about stuff, but I’m not fond of actually talking about stuff except with the Juan. That said, I am a pretty plain speaker to my kids about everything - sex, body parts, drugs, alcohol, school, internet - everything. I’ve found with kids there is no time for boundaries or wishy-washy language. Now, I never ever need to hear about my FIL’s prostate surgery again. EVER. My in laws are have absolutely no verbal boundaries. NONE. Gas, sex, politics, religion, dog’s bodily functions, they will talk about it all, with me generally saying, “uh, we’re at the dinner table.”
I also don’t like those people on their cell phones who talk loud. Where are your boundaries people? The Juan knows this and often when he talks to me on his cell he mumble, so he can’t be overheard. Sadly, I also can’t hear him!
16. McB | August 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am
It’s more than the personal stuff, though. It’s when people tell me about their slightly shady and/or morally dubious activities without a hint of shame that I’m taken aback.
For instance, there’s a certain yet to be published romance writer who just discovered that she finaled in a writing competition. And she’s actually TELLING PEOPLE!
17. me | August 14th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Politics gets me all worked up, so it is best not to talk about it with me.
I’m okay with very basic info re: other people’s (meaning people I know, not Jane Doe Blabbermouth) sex lives, but not the blow-by-blow details. A couple months ago a friend detailed what exactly she did with someone, and maybe it was the knowledge of who she did it with (I do not totally approve of him and she knows this), but ick ick ick. Way TMI.
My previous manuiscripts, which I think some of you have read, do not have YEX. It’s alluded to, and there’s kissing and whatnot, but not THE act. Because when I’m writing, I think, my grandmother and my parents are going to read this. Oh the shame. I’ve gotten over that somewhat, as my two lastest MS have plenty. But my family have yet to read them.
18. LtL | August 14th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Andi–you’re completely right about talk at the table. There are rules for that: nothing that would ruin the meal. This means nothing that’s icky or scary or will start a fight. The table is the one place we should be civilized. And don’t get me started about cell phones.
Morning, all.
19. Louis | August 14th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Bit of excitement last night…big ‘ole rattler was curled up and rattling away in front of sliding doors to our bedroom…DW had just let out the dogs…black Lab has a different bark for rattlers (she has been bitten). Got them back in quickly needless to say. The CB shovel did its duty.
Funny thing about rattlers…even when the head is seperated from the body…move the body and the head reacts. Second one this week.
We’ve had bad luck with rattlers…two dogs, one cat, and one horse bitten. Had to have a tracheotomy on the horse as it was bitten on the nose and horses can’t breath thru the mouth. (nose swollen)
20. GatorPerson | August 14th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Here’s one that’s off limits for me. DH recently had dental surgery, including some stitches. They bothered him when he ate. So, of course, he mentioned them WHILE I ATE. Yucko. Luckily the stitches are gone now; so I won’t have to hear yet again about the stitches while I eat.
Here’s another… A million years ago I though I was pregnant. Ecstatic! I’d just gone off the pill, and didn’t know the body took time to adjust. Since I worked with radioactivity, I had to tell the secretary so that I could be taken off that duty. So of course she told everybody. And then I wasn’t pregnant. Humiliation.
21. K.L. | August 14th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
The limits definitely change depending on who I am with. I used to teach a water aerobics class for pregnant women. By necessity, there were many discussions on body stuff, sex and other generally sensitive topics. And with people I know well, there are fewer boundries. But with kids, you have to be willing to discuss everything. When I was pregnant with DD10, my oldest daughter wanted to be in the delivery room. She was 10 at the time, so we needed to do some intensive education. This included getting some videos of births. On video day, quite coincidentally, half a dozen of her friends showed up. WTH, they need to know this stuff too, and if their parents objected, the kids wouldn’t be here. I think we educated the whole neighborhood on the birthing process.
22. Lou | August 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
The one thing I’ve never understood is people who want to tell others every little detail about their sex acts. Is nothing private anymore??? I was raised by a woman who had a strong sense of privacy, which was instilled in me also (probably by osmosis). I just so do not want to hear about Tab A and Slot B. In books I’m fine with it because - it’s a book. But hearing it from a friend or acquaintance in person - not so much.
K.L. - you are an exceptional Mom. If I were in the same situation, I would have just panicked or something. You, on the other hand, figured out exactly what to do. I’m impressed!!
Ya know Louis, snakes are really not my thing, and rattlesnakes are particularly not my thing. I lived and worked on a ranch in southern New Mexico for a year. They had rattlesnakes. Horses were bitten, dogs were bitten - it was yucky!! The good news is that no animals died from the bites. Still, I really didn’t like knowing they were out there, slithering…
cc - how’s your Dad doing??
23. Diane (TT) | August 14th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Boundaries are highly variable for me. For instance, I am devoutly heterosexual, although not, at the moment, practicing. However, I do not propose to describe much in the ways of DETAILS to anyone, and when a brand-new colleague asked me yesterday (an older man, who does not, perhaps, quite understand the rules that currently prevail) asked me (after I had said that yes, I was single) if I “liked guys”, I responded that I “liked all kinds of people”. I’m happy to answer questions about where I’ve lived and worked and things, but I shouldn’t have to answer that one! I think that most people would infer it from things I say, but it feels defensive (as if there were something wrong with being a lesbian) to have to avow it.
On a totally different note - a less-mentioned indignity of aging is the discussion at the DMV of the color of my hair. No, I’m not totally gray yet. But the last two times, the person taking my info decided my hair was brown, not blonde. I went along with it this time, but the picture TOTALLY made my hair look blonde, so phooey on them.
Rattlers are scary. There are very few in the East, to the point where I think people don’t even THINK about how they step over rocks and fallen trees and things.
24. McB | August 14th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I read an article recently about DMV’s in many states doing away with the hair color question both because it’s too easy to change and because it’s subjective. There are too many variations on blond, brown and red for a description to be very helpful.
25. Mary the non-bald | August 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
What I found strange was the question I got asked when I went to donate blood. I can understand they want to confirm my identity with questions about my name, DOB, etc. But why did she ask me if I were a Caucasian female, and what would she have done if I said “no”?
*********************************************************
I lifted this from a listserv:
Noah Lukeman is giving away copies of his Amazon Short ebook about writing queries to agents. It’s called “How to Write a Great Query Letter,” and at first glance (I haven’t read the whole thing yet) seems to give sound advice. (Don’t know how he swung this with Amazon, but that’s another kettle of fish.) Lukeman is a literary agent and the author of _The First Five Pages: A Writer’s Guide to Staying Out of the Rejection Pile_.
It’s available at
http://www.amazon.com/How-Write-Great-Query-Letter/dp/B00122GU86/ref=pd_sim_b_91
or
http://tinyurl.com/68ey5k
26. McB | August 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
TT - you are much nicer than I am. I would have been tempted to tell him that it wasn’t anything HE would ever need to know!
27. GatorPerson | August 14th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
“Race” here is not asked at all at the Red Cross. There is a question about having been in Africa. Of course there are questions of being in the UK, when, and how long.
SOAP BOX ON. We’re all such a mixture of races that I’m not sure just how valid such a category is. Yes, each of us usually is predominantly 1 race, at least visually. But over the hundreds, thousands, and etc. years there’s been intermixing that we have no way of knowing about.
SOAP BOX OFF.
Mr. Darcy is exactly 1/2 and 1/2 labrador and poodle, whatever “exactly” means. However, the vet looked at him and thought poodle. Gene expression is somewhat random and confusing and interesting.
28. me | August 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Thank you Mary!!! (FYI it’s 41 pages if anyone wants to print it, as I did.)
Today we had one of the perks of working 19-hour days at a crazy ad agency. If you call being caught on video with a martini in your hand, doing the limbo, at 4:30 in the afternoon, a perk. The cash bonus was OK too.
29. Eidlhe | August 14th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I tend to be pretty quiet unless I know the person I’m disclosing the information to. Even then, there are things I won’t discuss. There is one exception to this statment and it involves liquor.
I’m with me* on the basic details but no blow-by-blow info please.
Louis-keep the rattlers there. Glad nobody got bit.
TT- he probably thinks you are bi now since you didn’t state one way or the other….LOL
30. LtL | August 14th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
TT–your experience with that boor who asked a question that was out of bounds reminds me of an experience I had recently on another reading group. I had emailed one of the group and mentioned that experience had made me gray. In great need of sleep, she read it as experience had made me gay, and replied with some commiseration for the insults that happen to Lesbians, even in San Francisco. At first I was puzzled, trying to remember what I might have posted that would give that impression. With me, well, you know how it is with me. The only thing I could come up with was the mention of “gray.” I didn’t say anything about it because it didn’t seem like something important enough to go into. A day later she emailed me with the news that she had taken a nap and realized I was gray and not gay. She’s a sweet lady and was brave enough to take on the prevailing windbags of the day, which was how we got to talking privately in the first place. Which is all about how boundaries are different online (where you have a certain protection of anonymity) and in person.
I hope you can find a way to brush back the guy with the curiosity without making an enemy. Maybe he thought you were cute. Maybe he thought you’d be cute with his son. It happens. Maybe he’ll buy you a new windshield. Which is a whole other kettle of fish, if anyone would care to share.
31. LtL | August 14th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
The important thing, GP, is that you try to inculcate into Mr. Darcy a respect for both sides of his family. When he is of age, he can choose his own breed-identity. Or he may choose to follow a post-breedal path. Just keep him away from rattlesnakes until he gets his full growth. Oh, heck, even then keep him away from poisonous things in general and for always. Sigh. This means, of course, that you’ll have to prevent his learning to read.
32. CMS | August 14th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
So I was able to fix the clothes dryer today. The circuit breaker had popped. But Scope’s computer will have to go into the shop and the light over her chair will have to be replaced. I swear to Bob, I only tried rebooting one as it asked me to, and turning off the other. It’s going to be a long 8 more days if their dog will not get out of the bath tub. It’s not like she’s been abandoned. Both Ky and I have spent hours downstairs keeping her company as has my friend who is installing tub surround around the dog. I’d take a picture except my camera is toast after the trip to the race track. Perhaps I should walk away from all valuable electronics while they still work…
33. LtL | August 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Oh, you poor baby, CMS! It’s been like that around here, too–how do you think I got to know the plumber so well? And doggy drama, too.
Still, sad and frustrating as it must be for you, I’d sure love to see pix of a tub surround going in around a stationary pooch.
((CMS & Ky & Scope’s traumatized dog)
34. Lou | August 14th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
CMS - good grief woman, Scope and GAM go away for a trip and the whole place falls apart. You deserve a heartfelt {{{poor baby}}}. Now go have a glass of wine, put your feet up, find a good book to read, and be thankful the dog is in the bathtub - where accidents will wash down the drain.
35. Lou | August 14th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
me - yes, you. Limbo?? Martini?? Must have been an interesting 19 hours…
36. RSS | August 14th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
LOL Ltl and CMS.
You’re right Diane. We Easterners walk through woods and mountains like snakes don’t exist. Until you said that I never though about it. I tend to jump off tree trunks into leaves. Not the smartest idea since we have copperheads. There are rattlers in the mountains but I’ve never seen one. I do lift rocks out of a pile or logs only after carefully nudging pile because copperheads like to hang out there.
Louis glad all the animals (and people) are okay.
Boundaries: Interesting subject. It depends on the person and the situation. People do not usually share sexual details with me. And I’m happy with that. Though I’d listen and not judge if they did and don’t afterwards have icky feelings about that couple. And I never pass that on.
My mom is intensely private. You’re right Lou I think some of it is absorbed by either osmosis or example. I’ve become more open as I’ve gotten older or maybe as I’ve gotten better friends.
GP I so agree with you about the race question. Who knows what mix we are and personally I think that makes the genome stronger. stepping carefully away from the soapbox
Diane–that man had absolutely no right to ask you or anyone else that question. Grrrr. Another pet peeve. Just because a person or either sex is past a certain age and not married or living with someone is not a reason to ask sexual preference. once again stepping off the soapbox. This thing has a magnetic pull for me today
Snort ME. My mom has no desire to read any of my books because my sister told her they had a lot of sex in them. Though on the advice of sage readers I’ve cut back on the amount, there is still hot sex in them. But it was very hard to write those scenes at first. Especially since I was working on the computer in the family room at the time.
HEY EVERYONE. I FINALLED IN A CONTEST. The Toronto Romance Writers Golden Opportunity romantic suspense section.(And for the first time not with a hot scene.) I’m estactic and nervous about doing revisions before the final judging by an editor of a major publisher. But by golly I will.
This brings up a boundary. I’m much more comfortable sharing news like this about someone else than me*. It’s the bragging/vanity thing. I was raised that way and believe me I’ve worked hard to master speaking positively about myself. However I never think someone else is vain or bragging if they share good news. Weird that.
CMS good luck getting everything fixed before the ‘rents come back. One of my sisters used to have a dog that climbed in the tub. She’d (the dog not the sister) hide there all day. Usually when there was a fly in the house. She was afraid of them. (Ditto, that sister is afraid of spiders not flies.)
There was an old lady that swallowed a fly….
37. RSS | August 14th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Geez that was long. So sorry everyone.
38. GatorPerson | August 14th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Is it a southern thingie, not to brag on oneself? Probably.
All that aside, congrats, RSS. Job well done.
Sooo, James Mitchener was asked why he was so good about dealing with all the various cultures he wrote about. Said he, that he was a foundling, dropped off at an orphanage as a baby. He didn’t have any idea what his background was, and so he must treat all cultures as if he were from them. Or something like that.
Just to remind everybody, I have beautiful long blonde hair, sooty eyelashes, cornflower blue eyes, legs that go on forever. And McB reminded us that it’s hard to tell her and me* apart, we look so much alike.
39. K.L. | August 14th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
RSS, when you have much to say, it takes more space. Not like nobody else around here has ever done that… oh nevermind.
I also would like to see a pic of an unmoving dog in the midst of plumbing remodel.
40. LtL | August 14th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
RSS–Yippee!
I think the usual thing that modest people say when they’ve won awards is “we’ve been very fortunate to have found an audience.”
If I were in your spot, it would be more like, “Finally someone has recognized my brilliance. About bloody time.” Me* and John Lennon.
41. Mcb | August 14th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
ltl - mom and I are doing spit takes here. GP mom says Mr D should relish his uniqueness, don’t let the other puppies’ prejudice get him down.
Squash and tomatoes for everyone.
42. Mcb | August 14th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
you people are very entertaining tonight. Poor CMS.
RSS - mom says CONGRATS! Finally someone has recognized your brilliance. I read that somewhere.
43. Lou | August 14th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
RSS - maybe the not bragging oneself thing came from the intensly private Mom, ’cause I was admonished to not brag or “show off” by my very private Mom. Something about not making a spectacle of myself, thus embarrassing her.
44. Lou | August 14th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
AND CONGRATULATIONS!!
45. BCB | August 14th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Yay, RSS! I already said congrats via email, but as others have said that goes into the “about damn time” category. Hope you WIN!
I’ve got all sorts of boundaries. Most of them involve my privacy and things I consider to be personal. I am always amazed by what strangers tell me. It’s like there is no filter between their brain and their mouth. If they think it, they say it. Crazy.
One of my boundaries got stepped on and violated today. Grrrr. One of the contractors working on the house knows where I work so instead of dropping off his invoice at my house, he stopped by the office early this morning before I got there and asked a co-worker to give it to me. She put it on my desk. Grrrr. That’s one of my big boundaries. Work and personal lives Do Not Mix. But he didn’t know, so it’s hard to justify anger there. But then my boss saw the sealed envelope on my desk with my name on it AND OPENED IT. I was too angry to even speak to him about it. So I didn’t. What would be the point? Grrrr again.
Okay, very long day. I’m tired. Must go eat supper. DD finally gave me permission to post excerpts or her blog on my blog, so if I’m still awake later, I’ll do that. Later.
46. Mary the amazed, and not in a good way | August 14th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
The only good part of that, BCB, is that now you know what to do if you want the boss to read something.
47. CMS | August 14th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I did try to take a picture of dog in tub with ladder and tub surround parts. But as I said before, I also broke the camera. I did figure out to put the lamp on a timer as it’s the switch that snapped off in my hand. I suspect tomorrow will be a busy day.
Then Me arrives on Saturday for the Writing Olympics. I did some prep work tonight while eating dinner. That’s me* the great multi-tasker.
Thanks for the squash and tomatoes McB!
48. Wapakwoman | August 14th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
RSS- CONGRATS! keep us posted on the results. Those Canadians are so brilliant !
As I live in a small town in the Midwest, (ahem) I live with TMI all the time. Especailly with the kids. Such as the senior guy who got 2 sophomore girls pregnant. But only claimed one. - None of my show choir kids thank Bob.
Here is too much sharing- look away
I am realizing the “having to get through each event after someone dies” syndrome. My mom loved the Olympics and we would sit and yell at the TV or talk on the phone while it was going on. I miss her.
And she was always excited for show choir season to start.
I just got back from camp and I am stinky. So CMS if you can get the dog out of the bath tub- I would like to use it thank you.
(HUGS) to all of you. I miss you all.
49. btuda | August 14th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Congrats, RSS!
My personal boundaries? Personal space. Oh, I’ll hug friends and acquaintances to pieces, but if I really don’t know someone - get thee away from me. Not you guys, of course. My best friend told me she hoped she was around whenever I get pregnant just to see me whack people upside the head with a stick for uninvited belly touching. That really creeps me out.
I work with a lady at the candle store that tends to overshare. She has decided that her new passion in life will be hosting adult toy parties and touting the joys of self service. Oh joy. That and it tends to be awkward when she’s discussing vibrators and their attachments as a customer comes in to shop for candles.
I finished off the last of my chocolate stash. I may have to bake a cake tomorrow.
Off to tuck DH into bed. No, he doesn’t know when to do it himself.
50. glamour-geek | August 14th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Loving the subject, happy to read what all of you have to say, and WAY too tired to comment on boundaries right now.
Boss had a cold earlier this week, still has symptoms. I have sniffles and a bit of a scratchy throat today. Didn’t go to the gym, chose to come home, put on sweats and hunker down with work and the Olympics this evening.
But first, dinner time (finally!).
Hugs to all…..zzzzzzzz. Oh, wait, I still have to get work done tonight. Drat.
51. orangehands | August 14th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
RSS: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy and proud of you. Glad our northern neighbors recognize genius when they come across it. (When is the decision made?)
BTW CBPen: Try tonic water for the bothering legs. (You may have already, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure.)
((Wapa)) I miss you too. Was thinking about you today, actually. (All good things, I promise.)
Even though I share and hear a lot of information/stories, I am an intensely private person. I have certain spaces (physical and mental) that people are not allowed to cross, period, not even my mom (who is the person I share the most with). However, I have no problem listening to way TMI (for the most part) and I am an excellent secret keeper.
Interesting subject.
I’m also trying to be aware that what I say and put out there- there being both the internet and the universe- will always be out there, and that what I say affects things.
Oh, and lou, thanks so much for the virtual paddle ball game. Like I don’t have enough time wasters.
52. orangehands | August 14th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Ok, amazon help please.
I went to purchase that short story (Mary at 25) and this keeps coming up: We could not process your order because of geographical restrictions on the product which you were attempting to purchase. Please refer to the terms of use for this product to determine the geographical restrictions.
WTH?
53. orangehands | August 15th, 2008 at 12:18 am
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
-Isaac Asimov
People that think logically are a nice contrast to the real world.
-Matt Biershbach
54. cbpen | August 15th, 2008 at 1:22 am
RSS: Way to go. WooHoo!!
Fingers crossed for the final win.
Keep all digital appendages crossed for me (unless you are trying to walk.)
Do you think I missed ANY home remedies??
but who wouldn’t? He was doing okay the last I heard. But since I am allergic that scares the crap out of me*.
Boundaries? I’ve got a lot. But if I tell you, I’ll be breaking them
I have an interview for a writing job!! Wouldn’t that be the most amazing, ultimate job???
Speaking of walking, I think part of my problem was the shoes I was wearing. My sandals broke so I was wearing these part gym shoes, part sandals, part slide things. I think the gripping with my toes aggrevates my restless legs. Or it was the heat, tonic water, bananas, B12, extra water and aspirin that eased things up….
Speaking of TMI…Look away if you don’t want to know about Chemo.
Chemo rant. Whew. Well, mom had to go in and sit there for 3 and 1/2 hours instead of 2 as she was told to start. Then she had to bring home a pump with chemo in it and it’s going for 48 hours (they told her 24 before she went). And then the home nurse stops by and tells her all the other stuff…LIKE HAVING TO CALL A HAZMAT TEAM if the thing leaks. It’s insane to have this outside a hospital. One woman in with her said she goes shopping with it.
Okay. done. I do open a gate in the brick wall every so often when I’m here.
One of the GSS got stung by 5 wasps in the face and ear. They called his mom who called DS who called moi. By the time I got there DIL was there…she must’ve driven like a bat outta heck
Louis: Snakes…especially poisonous ones scare me. Take care of all your people and animals. We had timber rattlers on the farm. Yes, in Indiana. Some people didn’t believe that. My mom almost stepped on one in her rock garden and the farmer across the road came running with his hoe.
BCB: That would make me crazy too. I had a friend whose parents always read her mail and after she married her mother still would. She didn’t think anything of it. And I wouldn’t open anything with my any name, ex, kids, other than my own. That’s one of my bug-a-boos.
Guess I should sleep. I had a dream about pink, long necked lawn ornaments the other night. I am hoping to dream it again and find out what the heck was going on. And then turn it into a short story for my collection.
Of course, if we did a dream analysis, we’d know what it was…CBs to the rescue!!!
55. cbpen | August 15th, 2008 at 1:30 am
Aggravating that I can’t spell aggravate! And “my any name”? YIKES! Don’t tell the guy who thinks I’m a writer, okay? ;(
I’m too wrapped up in the flamingo enigma. Yeah. Completely. Distracts me from details like spelling and grammer. Really. That’s what it is.
56. GatorPerson | August 15th, 2008 at 6:43 am
Any CB have any experience with the Lifeline necklace that someone wears 24 hours a day so they can press it any time to send a signal to Lifeline for help?
57. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Pen, babe, of course you’re a writer. Geez. Grammar and spelling have nothing to do with it. Well, okay, that have something to do with it. But not so much that an occasional gaff makes you not a writer. Sending good vibes for that interview.
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
-Isaac Asimov
LOVE IT, OH. Thanks!
58. McB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:56 am
GP - yes. Mom has one.
59. McB | August 15th, 2008 at 8:19 am
OH - Terms of agreement can limit where something can be sold, or there may be some state law that prohibits Amazon from allowing the transaction. How or why a free download would be affected, I don’t know. But, for example, the Terry Pratchett audio I just purchased was not available for purchase through Amazon U.S., nor the downlaod through Audible.com to the U.S. I actually bought the CDs from Amazon.uk.
60. glamour-geek | August 15th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Yay Pen! Go get ‘em! Fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you!!!
Oh, I am SO tired. TGIF for real today. More than anything else this weekend, I am looking forward to No Alarm Clock for two mornings. I plan to sleep tonight til I can’t sleep no more.
61. CMS | August 15th, 2008 at 9:29 am
GP - Scope has one as well. It looks like a necklace. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if she took it with her. She’s so used to wearing it. I’ve thought about teaching Ky to push it in an emergency but can’t figure out how to teach him what one is. IF she passes out while we’re around, he defers to us. When she does it alone with just the dogs, he goes to work. I truly believe he’s reading her brain waves or electromagnetic energy because he responds seconds before she feels off.
Job hunting vibes for cbpen today (and every day that she needs them) Btuda too. Conversations like that with your co-worker didn’t used to bother me* but now I feel weird reading erotica written by an acquaintance.
So far no one has over shared on this blog. But then I have different rules for my friends.
According to that quote Issac Asimov and my father were close friends
62. me | August 15th, 2008 at 9:29 am
OH: I don’t get it either. It’s free (for everyone but Californians, apparently) yet it threatens to throw me in prison for sharing it.
RSS: again, WOOHOO! I’m interested, if the contest is in Toronto, does that mean you get a Canadian publisher when you win?
cbpen: Fingers and toes crossed. What kind of writing?
CMS: Do I need to bring a flashlight and firewood and maybe a hard hat?
63. jenb | August 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Cary, are you doing okay?
Been missing you.
64. RSS | August 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am
CBPen and Btuda Everything crossed (except when walking down the steps) and postive job vibes winging your way. Huge waves of them.
BCB–I can’t believe he did that. Wait. It’s that**&&^%&*I()( so yes I believe it. He’s going way beyond being a pain in the neck.. I’m sending positive job vibes your way too. Maybe a better one with a much better boss will drop into your lap. (The job people not the boss. Get your minds out of the gutter.)
Btuda LOL at the thought of the expressions on candle buyers’ faces as she expounds the joys of self-satisfaction.
Love the quotes OH
65. McB | August 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Asimov was right.. :-p
66. Lou | August 15th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Yes, indeed McB, Asimov is right…
OH - very glad to be of assistance.
Yes - Cary - what jenb said - are you OK?? How are the puppies?
cbpen - crossing everything for you - here’s hoping… and please do tell us what kind of writing.
67. McB | August 15th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
It’s far too quiet in here this afternoon. What kind of trouble is everybody into?
68. Lou | August 15th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Just waiting until quitting time… when I get to go out into the heat (100 degrees)… and go shopping at Mervyn’s who is having a total blow-out sale.
69. Diane (TT) | August 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Weird car tag situation: I went to go get my new Ohio tags today, but they’re apparently only good until my b-day in November. WTF? I dunno about the cost (I don’t even care very much!), but FOUR months? Pretty annoying. And I’ll have to go back - no mail renewal (I won’t even get a reminder, because they would have sent it out already, probably). Huh?
I’ve been wasting a lot of time reading: I got (after waiting a long time in IL) the new Linda Howard, the new Laurel K. Hamilton and a few other books, plus I’ve been re-reading Mary Jo Putney. Time that could’ve been spent preparing for the job (starts Monday) or putting things away. Or making ice cream.
Oh, well. I believe I shall go buy some ice cream and cereal. Things not available at the Farmer’s Market in the a.m., which I intend to visit again.
It’s more like low 80s here, but I think more humid than it has been. Still, it’s been very reasonable walking weather.
70. Lou | August 15th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
TT - did you like the new Linda Howard (Play Dirty)?
71. GatorPerson | August 15th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Are there any camels in Kentucky?
72. Lou | August 15th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
**SNORT**
73. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
No trouble here. No ma’am. Just keeping my head down and my mouth shut. Really.
A person would have to possess considerably more energy than this to get into any trouble worth the trouble.
74. McB | August 15th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
GP - you are so bad. Poor CMS.
So, did you actually want ot know something about those alert button thingies, or were you just being nosey?
75. RSS | August 15th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
RSS runs into Bar and Grill screaming “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Stands panting in front of resident CB’s with hand pressed to chest. Oh my God!
76. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Finally got a request for full, did you?
77. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
An offer of representation from an agent?
78. Wapakwoman | August 15th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Diane- you have a screwed up DMV. They could have sold you tags until your birthday next year. My son just did it when we transferred ownership. Also, I do 2 of our cars by mail every year. I get the reminder and I send them a check. You just have to tell them.
Maybe because you are in a college town that cannot be named that they choose to be cranky to everyone not just students!
SHOW CHOIR CAMP IS FINISHED! IT was a great week. Being shut up for over 12 hours a day with tired kids who are fighting for solos and dance positions got sort of gamey by Thursday afternoon. The young ladies who are opinionated but not yet strong and courageous got to be a pain, but ALL WAS WELL tonight for the performance!
I intend to take to my sofa and not move.
Thinking of Scope as she travels! ((Hugs to all who need them))
79. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Snake bite?
80. RSS | August 15th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Glad the show choir camp turned out so well Wapak. If anyone deserves some quality time with their couch it’s you.
So BCB. Shall I draw this out longer like someone I won’t name? taps finger against chin Nah. I’m too excited.
Not a full. Not yet. But I just recieved notice that I placed first–FIRST! –in the Dixie Kane Memorial Contest. It was a contest for the first five pages of your book. And the first place winners get a guaranteed reading by a prominent agent.
Holy cow. I’m in shock. And excited. And need to finish these revisions.
Diane–pay attention to Wapak. She knows the state. Call and ask to speak to a manager Monday and check it out. It can’t be right that they only give you your tags for four months. It makes no sense.
81. BCB | August 15th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Oh WOW, very very cool! One of the writers in my chapter placed third and I thought that was awesome. Well, it is. So this is two steps beyond awesome! Doing a snoopy dance here. Can you see it?
Yes, go finish revisions. You need a delta reader, you let me know. I’ll see whether I can find one for you. [grin]
82. RSS | August 15th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
You do a phenominal snoopy dance BCB.
Definitely will need delta readers. Thanking you in advance for that. A lot of the improvements I’m making are due to advice you gave me and my premier delta readers McB and her mom.
Now I need to calm down enough to go to sleep.
83. GatorPerson | August 15th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Wow, RSS, you’re raking in the good vibes this week. Good for you. Need any epsilon readers? Here, have a nice chunk of dark chocolate to settle your nerves so’s you can sleep.
OH, those 2 quotes were as entertaining as your jokes.
Yes, I’m having to look into the Lifelike thingie for MIL. She’s aware that maybe she needs a panic button on her person. I didn’t like the necklace version at all for her, imagining all sorts of wrap around the neck catastrophes. They have 2 wrist versions, one buried within a Timex watch. She has so much trouble remembering anything at all for more than a few seconds, I’m not sure she would remember to wear it. And she might take it off on autopilot and not have it when she needs it. Or remember that she has it. Arghhhhh. This is all so hard. And I just gave all my chocolate to RSS. I’m a VERY GOOD PERSON.
84. glamour-geek | August 15th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
YAY RSS! Now I’m gonna be able to say “I met her BEFORE she was famous!”
Pen: TELL US when you have news. And what kind of writing (or did I miss that bit)?
Yay, the week is over. I am so relieved. Even though I plan to log on again to work tonight. And maybe Sunday to finally read and sort 147+ email messages that have stacked up since I started (not counting the ones I’ve already dealt with).
YAY RSS! I felt it was worth repeating!
85. Mcb | August 15th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
wowwee wow wow woo HOO!! We got a fiirrst. We got a fiirrst. Why yes I am living vicariously. A good week at the bar and grill.
GP. Moms works pretty well. It doesn’t dangle that much, no more than the average pendant. Another point is that if she doesn’t check in they will call.
86. CMS | August 15th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
YAY!!! Count me* in as a reader RSS. I’m so thrilled for you.
Writing Olympics start tomorrow. After the Opening Ceremonies.We’re getting a late start because I have to work in the morning and Me has to drive for 5 hours but it will be worth it.
Hey GP - apparently there aren’t any camels in Kentucky. At least Scope isn’t admitting to any. She sounded excited and happy when she called. Even the news of all the things I broke in her absence didn’t phase her. Dog is out of the tub and upstairs harassing Ky. It’s good for him.
What a talented bunch this group is? Glad to see Wapak survived Choir Camp. She’s a much stronger woman than I.
87. RSS | August 15th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
(((GP))) Here, I split the dark chocolate into two. And yes YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.
Congratulations on completing the (on site at least) work week GG. Good luck with wading through the emails.
Thanks for the congratulations everyone. Another good thing about finalling in contests is you can tell that to editors or agents when you pitch your book and it makes them more interested in reading it. This will be helpful in New Jersey. And hopefully Richmond and Williamsburg. I’ve registered for those conferences and already put in requests for agent appts. That’s two conferences in Oct and one in Nov. Seriously working this. Finally.
88. Louis | August 15th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
RSS…
YOU GO GIRL!!!
MCB..
No bites this time. Little rascal had 9 rattles and was about 2 feet long.
89. Mcb | August 15th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
*peers warily under the bed*
Thanks for the bedtime story, Louis. 2 feet and 9 rattles. Better than 9 feet and 2 rattles. I’ll just stick to a rocking chair on the porch. Someone hand me a garden hoe.
90. Wapakwoman | August 15th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
RSS RSS RSS RSS- You got the gold! I am so very thrilled for you. I hope your boys were suitably impressed. WOWOWOWOWOWW
Hurry up- I want to read it.
Now if I could just get Dee to finish her story…..I need to know what happens to those people.
McB- You don’t need a garden hoe, you have a golden shovel. All snakes are afraid of that.
Maybe we can get some Spartans to patrol the porch while we all are rocking.
CMS- glad the dog is out of the bathtub.
91. LtL | August 15th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Louis–
Two feet long. Did you make chili? Too short for a belt, but maybe a hatband? Nope, I’m not that crafty.
First place! Yippee! I can say I knew you back when you were just initals against a soft yellow ground. R-S-S
Ditto–Cary, come out, come out, where ever you are.
GG–first week’s always a bwitch. Rest up.
DD always brings his computer home for weekends. It’s the only time he has to do his time cards.
Wapak–congrats on surviving choir camp. Kid 14 finished band camp today. Gotta feel for the teachers involved. Much angst about who is to be first string and who is to be a “shadow.”
There was something else–oh, the necklace. Mom had a panic button over her bed at her house. Was part of her burglar alarm, I think. But she’s only 81, so I crocheted her a pouch to wear around her neck. She keeps her cell phone in there at all times. I should crochet her a pouch for her glasses, too. After a particularly harrowing incident, during which she was injured, we were looking at her phone and realized that she had called, not 911, but *11. Anyway, got her right within reach now, so that’s my solution. Not for everybody, though.
McB–Not sure what good a rake would do. Hoe is good. Shovel, too, evidently.
Glad to hear Scope & GAM are having good time & dog has unweirded.
Now, cbpen & btuda–got my digits entangled.
Oh–the license tags–have you looked online? Here in Texas, I get a reminder about the tags, then I go online and take care of it. Here, the inspection is separate from the tags and may not happen at the same time. You’re just supposed to look at the date on your inspection sticker and take your car to the inspection station, like a big kid.
Other Grandma due here Sunday. Must dust. Must dust a lot.
Kid 11 has been saving her paycheck to take Other Grandma to the Love Shack in the Stockyards for the Best Burger in America. Half tenderloin, half brisket, with a fried quail egg. Yum.
Now I’m getting hungry again, and my teeth are already so clean and shiny. No eating till morning, so better quit this topic.
Night you guys.
92. LtL | August 15th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Slaps forehead on the already-slanty part: You did say “hoe” and not rake. I knew you had better sense.
Okay, lights out.
93. cbpen | August 15th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
RSS. RSS. RSS. RSS. RSS. I can’t say it enough. Yippee KiYiYea!! I love what Ltl said…knew her when she was just initials on a yellow background.
It’s copy writing, brochures and things. Catalogues too, maybe. Anyway, he is going to explain all that on Monday, if he isn’t Too Very Busy.
Which is soon to be another dang short story.
Wowzer. That must be some five pages.
Well. Well. The guy didn’t get back to me about the where and when for today soooo it’s Monday. He just said in his first email 1-2 pm or thereabouts and no place. Then he wrote back and said he was Sorry. Very Busy. Just Taking Over…. Every word is capped? I think he does Need. A. Writer.
I have to get up in the morning. Going to have an early lunch with an old friend who is new to writing and wants my expertize. She has written a book and doesn’t know what to do next. So cbpen to the rescue…kind of like the CBs diguised as flamingos in my dream.
Flamingo dreams to all of you.
94. cbpen | August 16th, 2008 at 12:49 am
CMS: Forgot to say, Good luck with the Writing Olympics. I hope you BOTH get the gold.
95. GatorPerson | August 16th, 2008 at 7:09 am
CBPen!!! Go in Monday no matter what. Start helping him as you talk. He’ll be snowed that you know so much and are willing to help out immediately.
Ltl, I really, really did not need a visual of you wearing a snakeskin on a hat. I’d better never see you thusly ’cause I’d surely puke and then run for my life. I don’t care if the thing is half inch and no rattles. Bad, bad, bad. Ain’t no rake or shovel or hoe gonna get no snake molecules on it from me.
See, the things like *11 are what have me concerned. I’m sorta leaning toward the Lifeline anyway just so’s it’d give MIL some peace of mind. Things are worse for her memory-wise if she’s even a little excited (passed those evil genes down to her children), and so I hope she’d be a little clearer thinking if she’s less anxious.
96. RSS | August 16th, 2008 at 9:05 am
That sounds like a good plan GP. Anxiety can really mess with your thinking processes.
I like the “only initials on a yellow background too” LtL.
Good luck in the writing Olympics ME and CMS. Go for the Gold. We’re rooting for you.
Going to the beach with DH and DS13. Goal for the two days:5000 words.
97. jenb | August 16th, 2008 at 9:07 am
RSS, Excellent!!!
Joining BCB in the happy dance as we celebrate such wonderful news.
By now I expect the congo line to be forming.
Yep, looking good.
Aging parents, not so far behind and I am trying to be sure we don’t follow the same as our parents. Hopefully we have learned from seeing what not to do.
Always so very difficult.
98. Lou | August 16th, 2008 at 11:29 am
RSS - adding my congratulations!!! And joining in on the Snoopy dance!! Way to go girl…
cbpen - be sure it’s what you want and that you want to work for that guy before committing. He sounds like a flake! Just saying…
Gad you people have all of a sudden gotten busy this morning. I was going to post tonight, but it looks like I better get going. Have to write it first - be back in a little while.
99. Louis | August 16th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Good writing to all the “Olympic” writers.
Last night’s “Nightline” on ABC had a segment with writer Stephanie Meyers…interesting lady. Haven’t read any of her books.
100. LtL | August 16th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
GP–sorry for the unwelcome visual. In real life, I prefer grosgrain ribbons for hat bands. I don’t mind creepy crawly things myself, least of all rattlesnakes, but I do need to be more sensitive to others. For a long time I considered my lack of sensitivity to be a handicap, like being colorblind. A couple of days ago I found some notes my dad had made many years before (been going through Mom’s stuff, sorting, shredding, etc.). In Dad’s engineer-handwriting: Insensitivity is a form of selfishness.
Rocked me back, but gave me hope, too. See, if it were a real handicap, I’d be stuck with it. But if it’s a form of selfishness, then it’s a moral problem. A moral problem is something I can work on.
So, quick: here I am, a grizzled braid down my back, a yellow straw hat with a dusty blue grosgrain ribbon. Nary a crawly anywhere.
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