A Comic Interlude
August 20th, 2008 at 08:28am McB
A little something to amuse you until the next real post
Dinner Party
At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, “And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children.”
As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, “You see, my wife is unbearable.”
Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: “What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable.”
As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, “That is, my wife, she is impregnable!”
Word Contest
The local newspaper has published the winning submissions to its annual contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Here are some of the selected results.
– Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
– Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
– Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
– Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
– Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
– Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
– Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
– Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
– Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
– Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with ‘Yiddishisms’.
– Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Entry Filed under: Useless Fun
27 Comments Add your own
1. Louis | August 20th, 2008 at 10:28 am
A fun interlude!
2. me | August 20th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
teehee. I like lymph and negligent.
Lost the comma battle today, midway through catalog season. Because the trucks are all different than the ones already printed. Hmmm. Okay, then since the trucks apparently all have different grammar rules, I say in the next catalogs, we misspell “the” as “teh” in one and “hte” in the other, so it doesn’t look like the first ones. Because it’s all fluid and not interchangeable. Except when it is. I’m not even going into the guy’s explanation that the reason why they deleted and rewrote an entire section yesterday, after the book was printed, was because he had the information since March so it’s not his fault the wrong stuff was printed… My brain exploded on that one.
On the plus side, they gave us ice cream today.
Not sure it quite makes up for the morons, though.
3. McB | August 20th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I think we should start the First United Church of Frisbeetarianism.
Me - you can’t even argue with people like that because they have no concept of logic. There’s one track playing on their CD and it just keeps repeating. Might as well go eat ice cream. In the future, try keeping a little kalua stashed in a drawer for a topping.
4. CMS | August 20th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Help! I’m trapped at work without chocolate. Send in the troops.
I shouldn’t complain. There’s no one here to add to the headache I brought with me. Bad choice. Always grab the chocolate and leave the headache at home.
We now have four eggs. Last night Yoda chased Kiki around the cage looking for a little romance. She evaded him succesfully. This morning they took turns in the bath dish. But she did let him get close enough to watch her. They are more entertaining than television.
5. McB | August 20th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Alright, troops. You know what your mission is. Infiltrate Canada and keep the chocolate supply lines open. We need a volunteer to go over the falls in a barrel.
6. me | August 20th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I volunteer to send the idiot I work with over the falls. No barrel necessary. It’s earth-friendly that way. No need to cut down a tree to make the barrel. I’m nice that way.
7. CMS | August 20th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Except he’d likely eat all the chocolate. It’s not like he’s noted for being good at his job.
8. LtL | August 20th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Did you know that in SoCal there’s a geographical area called
The Chocolate Mountains?
And I’m a Frisbeetarian, Southern Reformed. We don’t get all the way to the roof. We mostly stay in the rafters, but whistle at cute posts as they go by.
9. CMS | August 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
:D Ltl
10. eidlhe | August 20th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
me- re 6. rofl!!!! hilarious!
CMS-try these *passes a box of triple chocolate M&Ms over*
Made it to work by 1:15 MST. working until 5:30.
Lou-yep a blister. I won’t gross you out by telling you how big it was.
11. CMS | August 20th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Thank you eidlhe!
It just sounds painful. Hugs to your DH.
Me - I just know noticed how you were saving the environment. So thoughtful.
12. Diane (TT) | August 20th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Yikes and sympathies to all those with traumas (I hope the chiropractor makes you all better, GG, even if he/ she can’t help your car - I’m glad it wasn’t worse!).
The birdwatching sounds fascinating, but I guess if you can’t bring them to work, they cant’ distract from a headache. Chocolate is definitely useful in moderating those! I’m really going to have to work on my chocolate situation here - it’s not great.
I loved the words!
I finally got the new Jack Reacher in at the library, so that’s a stop on my way home. SO much better than IL where the traffic in the library area was so foul at going home time.
I had a lovely salad for dinner last night (and will repeat it tonight): local late strawberries, arugula, an interesting central American gold cucumber variety (whose name I’ve forgotten) and chicken, with a tangy-sweet dressing. It could easily have added nuts for more protein.
Not much unpacking may happen this evening - a day spent in meetings is enough to tire me out. Also, I’m tired and I’m picking up Lee Child on the way home!
13. Louis | August 20th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Waiting for the computer to warm up this morning…watched the antics of a pair of road runners. One eventually ran off to the left…the other half ran half flew to the right.
When I’m on the deck reading…there is one that sits on the rail under the humming bird feeder…waiting for a hummingbird…chase it off frequently…now it walks onto the deck about eight feet away from me* to get to the rail.
Bird watching is fun!
14. K.L. | August 20th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Ok, I’ll post this e-mail my DH sent me this morning:
A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
15. Wapakwoman | August 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Love the laughs. I had to say goodbye to my Worker Elves who leave for college. TRAUMA…TEARS… yes, that was me.
I now can screw everything up myself….. I miss them already.
Show choir costumes are coming in…my house is aglitter!
16. CMS | August 20th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Didn’t the Worker Elves train the next generation?
You’re welcome here any time Wapak. You don’t have to sharpen pencils or anything.
17. McB | August 20th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Spit take! K.L., that was a good one.
Wapak - anytime, you just say the word and we’ll happily screw things up royally. Just for you..
TTT - hope you and Lee have a lovely evening together.
18. BCB | August 20th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I can’t even pretend to be lurking. I’m too tired.
Please don’t wait until I’m dead, just throw me up on the roof right now. Or into the rafters. Whatever.
Don’t worry if you don’t hear from me for a while. Lots of stuff going on. Too many things in my head demanding attention to add more. Someday life will calm down. But what fun would that be?
19. GatorPerson | August 20th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Spear. I vote for the spear. And the duct tape. And the fire. Going over the falls. Except for Louis, of course. He gets to stay. And Bryan. Wherever he is.
That number thingie. Commas and stuff. I’ve noticed signs going la de da with periods separating parts of telephone numbers. I think it’s European. Of course, I personally don’t need commas. If you go with scientific notation it’s just not necessary. $1.00 E^6 is a million bucks no matter how you cut it. Well, I wouldn’t cut it. I’d keep it all for myself. Greedy guts, that’s me*.
Misread Wapak’s Worker Elves as Worker Elvis. Now that conjured up a weird image.
Lee Child’s latest is nominated for the Anthony award.
I’m contemplating Thanksgiving dinner for the 1st Saturday in Sept. Now all I have to do is find a turkey breast and cranberry sauce. Hard to do this time of year.
20. Mcb | August 20th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
well it’s a really nice evening, the roof might be pleasant. Hope the chaos is either resolved soon or good news. So, was DS angling for something when he ran the vacuum unprompted?
Louis gets a pass. Because he’s a GAM and because he’s got a front porch with rocking chairs and humming birds.
MARCIA. - report in, please.
21. cc | August 20th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I live but I’m up to my butt in alligators: two major exhibits, one space, miscommunication, twice as many images as I have space for, and the shows open Saturday at 2 pm - if I can get out of here in the next few hours I will do a real post, if I don’t I’m not that worried by y’alls ability to entertain yourselves- Oh, did I mention I still have about fourteen more images coming in tomorrow and I don’t have room for them either!
22. Louis | August 20th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
For you ladies eyes only…
edinburghphoto.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!
23. glamour-geek | August 20th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
KL @ #14: Laughed out loud. I love you. I NEEDED to laugh out loud.
I’m ok (no residual aches from car accident), car seems peachy, got an email from the guy who hit me asking about an estimate on car damage today (when does he think I would have had time to do that between yesterday morning and this morning? I worked til 5:30 yesterday, went climbing, came home, showered, had dinner and worked from 8:30-10pm, then did household things and then went to bed. Oy!), had a busy but ok day at work, dinner with beau and then came home. No dancing tonight. Beau is going to see a friend of his play music at the friend’s bar (yes, the friend owns the bar) instead of dancing and I’m too bloody tired. I’m going to do my handwashables and go to bed.
My boss seems to be one of the good ones, I’m happy to report. He noticed that I was really full up with the most important project I’m working on and took one of my projects away from me and gave it to a co-worker. Checked with me to make sure that was ok. Checked with her to make sure she could do it. She checked with me to make sure I was ok with it (right on, sure am, take stuff off my plate, works for me!) and we’re all happy. But it was nice of him to notice even before I could think myself clear enough to realize I had too much. So I’m happy to report a good boss for now, rather than some of the insane reports of grammatical and punctuation errors we’ve been receiving from our cohorts lately.
I didn’t have time to write you a quick comment, so I wrote you a long one. (with apologies to Mark Twain)
The B&G is my comfort zone. When I need to come home and decompress, I come here first. Thank you all.
24. Wapakwoman | August 20th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
The next generation of Wapak women are trained and ready. They just all are playing soccer at this time. And winning very nicely in fact. They’ll be here in time for the grandbabies and the Christmas rush!
The two that left today did everything but paint the house (it’s brick!) so that I would be all caught up. I told them to take time cards with them so I can e-mail them projects to fix for me and they can send them back.
Telecommuting Elves….yes that is what we will have.
CMS- can’t wait to hear about all of the things you are doing to your abode and Scope’s reaction.
GP- Worker Elvis’s - wait til I tell them.
GG- so happy that your job is working out so far! Cbpen- we need a report.
TT- we need to plan a mini whack soon!
CC- think of all the people who will be better informed and delighted by all of your work.
McB- as you know, I am perfectly capable of screwing things up without even knowing it. Such as directions on EVERGREEN. Hi Merry!
BCB- just send a letter once in a while- any letter will do- We may have to send Jenb or the Geekmobile Goddess to check on you.
Louis- We are getting some nice cool evenings…..please rock away for me please!
KL- you truly are a strong and courageous woman who is HILARIOUS!
Any of you but jenb on facebook?
25. CMS | August 21st, 2008 at 7:19 am
I’m on facebook in the St. Catharines Niagara network. I’ve searched for Wapak but so far have been unable to find her. It all depends on what alias one uses there.
I use my real name which I think most of you know.
Glad to hear you’ve suffered no ill effects from the car crash G-G
Scope and her GAM will be home tonight. It might take three hours to unload the van from the sounds of her shopping sprees. The front porch is done, the back porch almost done. I tidied the garage, weeded most of the flower beds, planted some new colourful perennials and vacuumed their place. The tub surround and new sink are in, the leak is fixed, the window trims up and painted. The rotting floor beneath the toilet that no one realized was there will be replaced today. If Scope is not impressed I’m sending her to live with one of you
26. K.L. | August 21st, 2008 at 10:44 am
CMS, You have done an amazing amount of work in a very short time. I’m tired just listening to your report. Great job, and I know they will be very impressed.
Louis, that was a lovely site. I just love a man in a kilt. Especially if peeking is involved.
27. McB | August 21st, 2008 at 10:56 am
Thank you, Louis! And that, friends, is why he is The GAM.
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