Posts filed under 'Amendments to the Golden Rule'
I had an epiphany this morning over my yogurt and granola. I’m actually quite smart. People respect my opinion and look to me for guidance. I know that seems like a ridiculous epiphany. I’ve always known those things. The primary difference was the epiphany was prompted by someone who is far better educated than I, with a very successful business, who runs in some swanky circles.
I tend to walk around feeling like my knowledge isn’t up to par. Friends don’t hesitate to tell me I’m wrong or offer suggestions about how I can improve my diet, my health, my relationships, my job etc etc. Admittedly I’ve set that dynamic up by constantly asking for advice in the past, always questioning my own skills or contributions. I figured out some time ago that I have a great deal more value than I give myself credit for but not everyone has caught up to that change in attitude.
It makes me wonder if I’ve missed changes in other people. Have I seen their growth or do I continue to behave as if they are the same old person with insecurities or negative thought patterns?
We all evolve. It’s part of life. I suppose sometimes we slip backwards as well. But how aware are we of the evolution of those around us?
It’s not that the person who respected my opinion yesterday was special or better than my friends. I think in part it was because they don’t know me as the insecure, underconfident being who looked for answers everywhere. Not to implie I’m self-contained and have no need for those friendships, advice or counsel. Friendships are important. History is important. So is listening.
I’m going to actively listen to those around me and see if perhaps I’m not the only one who has changed. I’m thinking Bob is right. Change is extremely difficult. So is recognizing it.
October 8th, 2008
If we use psychology on someone to bring them around to our way of thinking, or get them to do something they don’t want to, we’re accused of messing with their heads, playing mind games, and it’s considered a bad thing. But for all that we don’t like being accused of it, everybody still does it. Yes, you do. Especially if you have kids. What? You never told your kids their face would freeze that way? Or that there were kids starving someplace so they had to eat those brussel sprouts? Maybe not those specific examples, but I’m betting on some variation of the same. For the most part it’s a tactic you want to use only for good and never for evil because eventually, probably soon than later, the kid figures out that they’ve been had and you’ve lost one of the best weapons in your arsenal.
But it’s not just with kids. Politicians use it all the time on the general public, telling us what we want to hear. We get angry when they do it, but most of the time people fall for it willingly. An old boss of mine use to have an annoying tendency to say “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Meaning, that if you once fall for something without examining the logic, maybe you can rationalize that they tricked you. But if you fall for the same trick a second time, then you pretty much deserve what you get. And boy do we ever get it!
In my opinion, though, the best use of mind games is when we use it on ourselves. For example, if you’re like me you’ve probably been faced at one time or another with an unpleasant task which, however necessary, you avoided doing until it took on mythic proportions. Like getting myself out of bed during the work week. I finally set the clock in my bedroom ahead by 10 minutes and put a small desktop clock in the bathroom which I set about 12 minutes ahead. Why? Pizzy-chology, and who knows how my mind works better than I do? Even though I know the time isn’t accurate, maybe because I know it isn’t accurate, I’m motivated to move a little faster and dawdle a little less.
Another example is housework. I detest it; who doesn’t? But I love a clean house. It’s not so much the cleaning part I dread but rather the time-consuming ritual of taking a room apart and putting it back together, the dragging out of rags and chemicals that have to be put back. Fortunately the companies that make cleaning products know how my mind works, too. These days they make these nifty disposable thingies that can do the job in a jiffy. I can fool myself that I’m just “wiping up,” it only takes a fraction of the time, and it’s disposable so there’s nothing to put back. Is it the same as really cleaning? Of course not. The rags and noxious fumes still have to come out eventually. But it won’t be as big a job because I didn’t procratinate. Hardly. I’ve also been known to flat out bribe myself. If I’ve been putting off a task, such as cleaning out the basement, I dangle a little incentive in front of my own nose: if I get this done, I’ll have earned a treat.
I don’t know whether these little tricks mean that I’m clever or gullible. I don’t think it matters as long as it works. And I’m sure you have your own little mind game you play. What is it?
September 13th, 2008
We’re running out of room and I’m not sure who is next or when so…
I thought I’d just share: I have committed my Stupid Moment (not quite as bad as the Darwin Award) of the year. CMS wrote nine days till countdown, and in my head I started counting and went no, no, isn’t it the week after that? So I looked up that beautiful invitation Mary sent us and yep, I am leaving the 19th of June.
Which is where the stupid moment comes in, as I told my friend- after checking the calender- that I could drive her to the airport the 19th. *stupid crown is lifted and placed on head* Thank bob it turns out I’m driving her to the airport the 18th instead. (She also had her Stupid Moment too, thinking if her plane leaves LAX at 1:30 am on the 19th she needs to arrive in LA the 19th so I can drive her that night).
Anyway, it’s not too big a deal. She’s checking in wih two other friends and if they can’t then I’ll just be dropping her off earlier- which, in LAX is not the worse move ever. But seriously…you may all laugh. Cause we’ve been talking about this for how long and I’m just noticing? (In the good news section, it means I get to spend mroe time in Seattle and with my godfather in CA).
BTW: wapa congrats on the gramma and Good Luck finding jobs people and ((HUGS)) to those that need them and glad Bryan and Co are ok and hope everyone else is too and thanks for the book recs and I’ve heard people use a’ight (teen “gangsta” guys) and yeah.
BTW2: Finished another final (I did ok) and now just have one more to go. Which is good, because obviously my brain isn’t anywhere close to par.
BTW3: Didn’t put a title in so it didn’t publish when I hit it, making this Little Stupid Moment. 
And to throw out a topic, what’s been some of your Stupid Moments? (Don’t worry, I have a lot more)
June 11th, 2008
first, if you haven’t yet gone to BCB’s blog, well, go: http://bcb-blog.blogspot.com/2008/01/liars-diary-blog-day.html
We have artists like Bob Geldof, Green Day, Bono, Willie Nelson, and Jay-Z. We have concerts like Live 8 (which according to wiki had more than 1,000 performing musicians over 182 television networks and 2,000 radio networks) and Rock the Clause. We see musicians lend their time to the many charity concerts that are going on all over the world every day.
This really wasn’t the topic I was going to pick when I said I’d fill in for GP. I had an interesting topic about time and books, and I had a few rants about my school (stealing money and corrupt politicians at the college level and the stupidity of the dining hall- amazingly enough, all connected), but this beats all of that.
I remember being so impressed with Nickleback’s If Everyone Cared music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-QfLJbEN3k
I love music that has a message, but more than that, I love musicians who use their skills and their time and their money to spread such great messages.
Which is why I have fallen, head over heels, in love with Five for Fighting.
Mostly I know them for two songs: “Superman (It’s Not Easy)” and “100 Years”
But this is why I love them, and why you should too: http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/
To quote them:
“This is the first video community that gives back!
We are all connected to one another through our actions. Each person has the ability to make a difference. This is one of the messages of the Five For Fighting video “World.”
Tell the world what kind of world you want and raise money for charity by making and uploading a video of yourself, your friends or your family–whomever and whatever–answering the question, “What Kind Of World Do You Want?”
Or, you can raise money for charities that John Ondrasik of Five For Fighting has personally selected. Watch any clip on this site and money will go to the charity listed with that video. Please see below for the updated list of charities and contributions per views.”
I came through this site by way of Nancy on Suz Brockmann’s Board, who was promoting this video for autism:
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
In an effort to support those who are affected by Autism, please view this video and encourage others to do so. The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.49 {it varies for video} to Autism Speaks for *each time* the video is viewed.
This is not a hoax-I checked it out on Snopes:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/charity/whatkind.asp
The funding goes toward research studies. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your friends and family. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help
them to surpass this goal. With 1 in 150 children affected by autism, chances are you are helping someone you know.
Anyway, to make this somewhat relevant to its point (a topic for CBs) – how many videos can you click this week? The CONTEST is explained in the first response box because this is way too long as is.
January 30th, 2008
just to hang our comments on till CMS (i think she’s up tomorrow) writes her post.
make sure you see Wapa’s fun (and addictive, and Evil) game: http://www.hurtwood.demon.co.uk/Fun/copter.swf
so, just to write a little something (well MCB didn’t just do an empty post, and we apparently have standards now), i decided to write about OCDs, as i’ve been thinking about mine. i have a mild (thank bob) case of OCD (which is different from my anal retentive personality, which normally appears when i’m procrastinating) . have since i was a child. like my bedtime ritual: back home, it was shut the closet doors, turn off the lights, check the closet doors again to make sure they’re shut, turn the lights on and off again, check the closet doors again, and then go to bed. up here in SC it’s more mild- make sure all the draws are closed (which they normally are since it’s a tiny room and i’ll break a bone if i leave them open), check the door lock, turn off the lights, get into bed, get up some minutes later to recheck the door, and then go back to bed. and in case you’re wondering, i have to get into bed and then get back up to check it. i can’t just check it twice before getting into bed.
now i am very, very lucky to only have a mild case. i don’t have to observe all my rituals everywhere, though some of them are constant. but if i’m visiting a friend i can skip all that above shit and just go straight to bed, even if her door is unlocked (to her room; i’m into safety- i want that house door locked), the closet is wide open, and i have no clue if the lights are all the way off. just another quirk in my mind, i guess (i don’t question, i just appreciate).
so anyways, i have a mild case of OCD. if you ever want a character to have it, i can give you some insights. cause i follow the compulsion just like the strongest OCD case; mine’s just limited to where it goes on, and how much of it i have.
but to start us off since i doubt we all have OCD, i am also a huge procrastinator. like with my homework, which i should go finish…
January 15th, 2008
First, OT:
Be sending good thoughts towards Wapak for her school referendum she’s been working so hard on.
Now, OnT:
McB had a “Limp Noodles Award” for awarding people who either lack the altruism gene or else have a double set of the egocentric ones.
That started me thinking about what bugs me and also that I can do something about. This is not so much a polyanna thing as something I can do to make myself happier. I crossed off my list immediately things that are beyond my control, like the lady in the checkout line that looks for her checkbook after her groceries are rung up. Yes, Cary, we still have checkbooks in NC. There are other things that I can’t fix, even though I do try and try and try. So what fixable was bugging me? The messes were everywhere, and I hate messes. Except no messes on the kitchen counters! I keep them clear except when cooking.
Remember the sofa problem that went on for months? That room had been emptied and painted when the first sofa got ordered. I had moved boxes and boxes of books to the bedroom: novels, non-fiction, research, even boxes of stuff from my office when I retired That mess sat and sat and sat. DD1 had recently moved back home in a crisis. That is, she moved all her stuff back home, but went to live with a friend who has very little spare room. That meant lots of hastily half-filled boxes taking over the den. Two closets with stuff dumped in them.
So here was something I could start to tackle that would make me happier. That’s when I went out and bought the bookshelves and tinkertoyed them together. And I started filling them artistically with my books and a few pretties. Like the ceramic camel; the wooden flowers in the wooden vase; the 2 abaci; and the metal cat. I’m not through. But I’ve made a start. I’ve managed to classify stacks of papers that need saving, made files for them, and put them into the filing cabinet. My desk is almost clear, the way I like it. Every box emptied makes me happier.
What have you done or can do that’s in your control to make yourself happier?
November 6th, 2007
i want you all to go orange tomorrow, Tuesday, April 10th.
this is about loving your animal. loving all animals. appreciating animals. fighting for the helpless, who can’t fight for themselves and believe me, someone really needs to
it’s about the pet who was “accidently” poisoned and the humane laws that aren’t being passed and the animals that are being tortured simply because they are animals
it’s about your dog and cat and fish and turtle and snake and frog and other fish and pig and goat and others
it’s about the species that are dying (and i’m not talking about just from global warming, i’m talking about the species that are dying from human cruelty and stupidity)
it’s about that day that will pass, one day, hopefully soon but probably far off into the future, that no animal will live in pain or fear
it’s about the ones you know and love, the ones you dislike, the ones you’re afraid of, the ones you don’t know of
it’s about the animals Jenny talks about in her books (see, it connects beyond just human compassion. it’s in books)
the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) was founded in 1866 as the first humane organization in the Western Hemisphere
on april 10th, their 141st birthday, they are asking us to go orange in celebration of ASPCA Day. show love of your animals, of all animals, and support for this organization, by wearing orange.
thank you. and your pet thanks you too*
*disclaimer: in no way will this prevent your pet from doing any of the things it normally does that makes you annoyed
April 9th, 2007
Did you? Really? Was that when you discovered THE TRUTH?
I must have been about 8 years old. I knew that I should never go into my mother’s closet anytime, particularly near Christmas. She never said a word. How did I know? Remember I’m terrified of snakes. She had put a paper snake on the closet shelf, and it fell down on me ONE TIME ONLY. I never went into that closet again, even if she asked me to. But that defining moment wasn’t at Christmas.
My father’s closet was never booby-trapped and never held presents; he was always good for a ten dollar bill as a present. I happened to open the closet door, and there was a sheet tented over something BIG. Innocent that I was, I peeked at what had to be my brother’s present. It was a four poster fancy dancy doll’s bed. Covered that treasure up and tiptoed out of the room. That Christmas Santa brought me a four poster fancy dancy doll’s bed. My folks gave me a Betsy McCall doll. I smiled and grinned gratefully and oohed and aahed.
And never touched dolls again. Stupid Santa. Stupid. No more magic bunnies or tooth fairies either. Stupid Santa.
February 3rd, 2007
Categories – They’re there if you want to use them, but they’re not mandatory. It’s like a menu in a restaurant, just order what you want to eat, er, write about. As McB said, they make it easier to find past posts by topic rather than date. Maybe there’s a way to make it a clickable drop down for the sub-categories. Not a burning issue at the mo, though.
Flexibility or Rules – remember, we voted to keep the blog format because the majority of us liked the freeform give and take. I know some of you are having separation anxiety, but, really, did we have any rules on HW/SW? Did anarchy reign? Don’t answer that. ;+)
Deleting comments – that’s another of those relatively low priority things we’ll get to. No, the comments don’t go to Bryan’s mailbox, only if they are flagged as possible spam for too many links. Otherwise, they are posted immediately.
Accessing the Category “links” – they won’t work unless there has actually been a post under that category. Try the Golden Rule one now, Mary. I used it on one of my posts.
Negative reviews – Reviews – Reviews are listed in the categories in case someone wants to write one as their post. If we say “no negative reviews,” we may appear to recommend a book etc. when we know it has problems. We’re not doing the other CBs any favors by doing that. (Kudos, Diane!)
I’ve done book reviews for a couple of online mags/sites, back in the days when you had to provide your own books or scrape the bottom of the review barrel. When I solicited books for review, from a writers group, I promised to give an honest review, but if, IMO, a book was really bad, I just wouldn’t review it. That’s not to say that I only gave A ratings, but the ones that really blew, I just set aside. And I never had an author ask why I hadn’t reviewed their book. /;+)
J&B’s blog – Mollie originally said they’d leave it up for at least a week after the end of 2006 for those of us who needed one last peek and to provide links to the new blogs spinning off from it. I don’t know if that’s changed, but she checked with Jenny after I asked, so I’d say we’re safe for at least that long.
A purpose – When Bob said blogs needed a purpose, he was talking about professional blogs, blogs as marketing tools, which this isn’t. This is a community blog. We’re here for the chat and the camaraderie as Louis and several others have said.
Right now, I’m wondering why I can’t see all the comments on some posts, and why the comment box is gone. Dang it.
December 31st, 2006
As I was saying in my comment on the last post, I think a semi-freeform schedule would suit all of us best. Cheryl would like Wednesdays. Tal and Tigress, if they join us, will most likely prefer to have a day locked in, as well.
So, pretty much posting at will with a few guidelines.
- I’m not quite sure how we’ll work this out, but…no stepping on other poster’s toes, i.e., once a post comes up, no new posts for at least SIX hours.
- If you post something that contradicts another post, in the interest of debate only, or complements/logically follows from another post, start a post of your own, rather than writing a huge comment.
- If things are lagging, by all means feel free to throw out an idea for discussion, post a pic or whatever, just to keep the conversation flowing.
How does that sound? We can put a schedule up for those folks who want dibs on a certain day/date, and anyone else can post when they like. I think having the six hour moratorium after a post is just good manners (we can change that length of time if we want or need to). Anyone who takes the time to post shouldn’t feel they have to compete for attention. Of course, if someone’s writing a post while someone else publishes theirs (after first checking the schedule to be sure no one has that time earmarked), that can’t be helped. But let’s at least try to give each post a little face time all its own. ;+)
If one of our poster girls or boys has a lot to say on the subject of a particular post, ref it in that post’s comments (as I did for this post in my comment on the one before), and move it to a post of its own, after a reasonable amount of comment activity has taken place. Especially if it’s something controversial, give the original post it’s six hour’s grace.
We’ll probably have to redefine these guidelines as we go along and see how things work out, but let’s give them a try for a while. In fact, if anyone who wants to have their posts scheduled will email Bryan (bryanjweitzel @ bjwcreations . com), he’s offered to try to make up a calendar for a couple months in advance. Mention when you want to post and how often. I’ll write up the guidelines with specific format info so that posters will know what’s expected of them and readers can recognize what’s going on.
BTW, is Bryan the one adding all the new categories? What a hoot! I’m even using one of them on this post.
Oh, and one other thing, anyone who would like to be able to post if they get a sudden brain fart or have something exciting to share or need a poor baby or a shovel brigade should email me NOW (zlamarr @ gmail . com) so I can set them up for posting priveleges. There would be no obligation attached, but I’d sure hate to hear that one of the CBs exploded because they didn’t have an outlet for all that hot air. Heh.
Checking back on the comments on the last post, those of you who want a regular schedule, just let us know when and how often you want to post. As for topics, we’ve proved over on HW/SW that we can all pretty much enjoy and comment on any topic.
I’m not going to say “no off-topic comments” because we all have some idea pop up we want to mention or discuss but don’t want to turn it into a post. One of the reasons we chose the blog format is so that we still have that freedom, rather than being locked in to topics as on a forum. So, no one should feel insulted if someone goes off-topic in their comments.
AHA! How about anyone who does a post and wants on topic discussion only, e.g., on craft issues or some issue their trying to resolve, include in the title “ON TOPIC DISCUSSION ONLY”? I’ll add a category for that, too, so someone who wants to find those posts can have a way of doing so without searching the whole blog.
It’s a work in progress, people. Don’t anyone get tense at this stage of the game. We’ve been together, some of us, for nearly a year, and we’ve pretty much gotten along like a herd of puppies, i.e., some rough housing, but mostly playing and having fun. Remember we’ll be having a web site eventually, and that will allow some topics to be focused for anyone who wants that.
Hang in there.
December 30th, 2006
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