Posts filed under 'CB World'
I have been asked to write a post in remembrance of our dear friend Margaret, who passed away a year ago today. I am reluctant to do this. Because remembering is difficult and painful. But failing to remember is unforgivable. And some memories are inescapable. So I agreed.
A couple weeks ago I went out to eat dinner at a Mexican restaurant. The food arrived and I started to take a bite. And was suddenly, unexpectedly, swamped with memories of Margaret. When she and I first arranged to meet each other, more than two years ago, we decided to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant. At the time, Margaret’s appetite was “off” due to the chemo treatments. Nothing tasted right and she didn’t have much desire to eat, but she thought spicy Mexican food sounded good. So I was delighted that day when, after a couple hours of talking, she looked at her almost empty plate and could not believe she had eaten so much food. It was a small thing, but it felt like a triumph. She had been so busy talking and laughing she’d forgotten that food had lost its appeal. Sitting in the restaurant two weeks ago, I couldn’t help but remember. I had to set down my forkful of food and swallow a lump of memory, and tears, instead.
I missed her so much that day. So I went back and read several entries in Margaret’s blog, something I haven’t been able to do until recently, read again about her courageous fight with the cancer she ultimately couldn’t beat. And I was struck anew by two things. First, that she was so strong and determined and positive, so certain that the cancer was just an evil blip in her life, one that could be vanquished by a combination of good drugs and sheer will. And second, I was reminded of her dry self-deprecating humour that prevailed even when she was in the grips of pain and fear and uncertainty. Good lord, she was funny — and never more so than when she was facing a reality that was unspeakably grim.
She wrote this October 24, in what would be her last post, barely a week before she died:
This chemo gives me a red face, a strange rash, a bloated, pregnant-looking belly (oh, relax!), fabulous fingernails, and fatigue. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays I literally sleep 13-15 hours a day (12 hours at night frequently), and I rest on the couch for the rest of the time. I’m also gaining weight. I told my doctor that I don’t eat enough to be gaining weight at this rate, and when he just looked at me, I allowed that all 40+ women say that, but when I recapped just what I do eat, he had to agree with me. He reminded me that fluid (in my lung, around my heart, in my feet), has weight and volume and perhaps that may be what’s showing up on the scale. Of course, he’s not concerned–he’s not the one who has to go shopping.
Margaret had a rare ability to discern what was important without giving it undue weightiness, and to look lightly at the rest. She demonstrated how to face the prospect of death with dignity, recognizing its inevitability without acknowledging its imminence, yet at the same time, she lived life with gratitude and optimism. And with humour. So today, as difficult as it may be, please do take a moment to remember Margaret. In whatever manner you deem appropriate. She is a person, and hers is a life, worthy of remembrance.
There is an observance in the Jewish faith called Yahrzeit that calls for saying a prayer on the anniversary of a person’s death and lighting a candle, letting it burn for 24 hours. I’ll leave the saying of prayers for each of you to decide on your own. Prayers are meant to be personal and private. But I think we can light a virtual candle here in honour of Margaret’s memory and carry its light and warmth within us for one day. At least for one day.
October 31st, 2008
It has been said before that CherryBombs get along amazingly well considering how different we are from each other. CherryBombs as a group span generations, cultures and socio-economic … whatever. I never did know what that meant. The point is, although we generally originate from North America, and we all love to read, outside of those points we don’t have much in common. Or do we?
While randomly clicking my way across the internet recently I came across a series of articles from Time Magazine on the study of happiness. Here’s the first link I stumbled on, in case you are interested in following the bouncing ball. Ironically, although many studies have been done down through the ages on unhappy people, the idea of studying why so many people are generally happy seems to be a fairly recent one. Sounds pretty backwards to me. Anyway, the articles had much to say about the state of happiness, including the question of just how much control we have over it. Some say that happiness works like personality, and that to some extent it’s preordained. Which doesn’t mean that good or bad events are preordained, just how we handle them. One thing I really did agree with is that most people have a kind of median happiness, a general level that they tend to return to eventually, even after thrilling or devastating events.
What does this have to do with CherryBombs? I think that one of the biggest things we all have in common is that we are generally happy people. I don’t mean annoyingly perky; centered might be a better word. By and large, all things being equal, taking everything into consideration and all those other stock phrases (did I miss any?) we are a fairly content group. We have all gone through, or are currently going through, tough times; but we keep returning to our median state of being, generally, positive. We like being happy and, in spite of whatever else is going on we don’t give in, but, rather, we keep trying to get back there. The B&G is kind of like our lighthouse in that respect: a promise of dry ground, a place to rest if only for a short time, and the knowledge that we aren’t alone. Not so surprisingly, one of the things that came out of all the studies is the importance of social contact. Well, we already knew that, didn’t we? That’s why we’re here. There also seems to be some connection between happiness and a willingness to be distracted. That is, even while going through bad times, a predominantly happy person will still occasionally laugh, smile, be happy for other people and just plain think about other things from time to time. Every CherryBomb knows how important that is. And while we enjoy the margaritas, chandeliers, and poles to swing on, I don’t believe anyone here confuses things with happiness.
What’s your take on this? Do you think you are preordained to be a happy person or is it a choice you’ve made?
October 12th, 2008
Notes to self: 1. Don’t bother taking pics with the cell phone of the sun rising. Too much contrast. 2. Don’t challenge a log truck on the highway. They simply take any lane they want whenever they want. 3. Write the highway depts. of NC and VA thanking them for the many rest stops. (I know them all.). 4. Turn on the Sunday AM Bluegrass gospel radio station to keep awake while driving after going to bed at 3:00 AM. Singing along helps. Especially “I’ll Fly Away.”
A good time was had by all at the Chesapeake Bay Whack. 4 CBs and 2 guests. I personally worked hard on indolence, and I think maybe everybody else did, too.
We didn’t work very hard on laughter. It just came naturally. This time we all brought meal fixin’s. Supper Friday was spaghetti, fancy salad with weird colorful things in it, and bread. RSS and McB did that one. Saturday breakfast was scrambled eggs, bacon and more bacon, and biscuits by Dee. Saturday supper was bean and tortellini soup and chicken Caesar salad by moi. The really big food surprise was when I got up Sunday, tiptoed down stairs all packed, only to discover Dee had already got up and made coffee and started her sausage and egg and cheese and biscuit casserole baking so that I could leave at 8:00. Just about made me cry, someone getting up and fixing a meal to accommodate me*. She’s a jewel.
And speaking of Dee, she attempted to catch a fish and succeeded in catching a sunburn instead. Meanwhile McB and I listened to the trials and tribulations of RSS’ wonderful work in progress. It’s gonna be a winner. By the way, I took them on a little trip in the Geekmobile and didn’t even force them to take off their shoes to get in. The gracious Geekmobile Goddess did speak to them all about plotting our trip into uncharted territory.
Another by the way, the Geekmobile had to have an infusion of 10% ethanol + gas, since that was all that was available at the Bay. The mileage is noticeably lower, but it would only be a calculated guess since I topped the tank off with the stuff and would have to assume complete mixing of gasolines, etc.
We had a marathon discussion after Saturday supper on … Ta Da … novels, good and bad and writers, good and bad. They’ve convinced me to try Dick Francis.
Thank you, OH; none of us could remember who wrote the Malory series. I tell you true, if we did Trivial Pursuit on novels with that Whack of CBs, I would definitely be the loser.
October 5th, 2008
Memories, the stuff our lives are made of. Looking back on good memories can be a life-affirming experience. Memories are stored in our minds by many different avenues. Sight, smell, touch, emotion… The smell of wood smoke from a fireplace on a winter evening can send a kaleidoscope of pictures flipping through the mind. A familiar touch can resurrect those wonderful warm and fuzzy feelings. However, it’s quite a revelation to me* that memories can and do become skewed with time. I expect emotional memories to fade or change, but pictures in the head?
For instance, I lived in southern Oregon for 4 years from 1989 to 1993. I drove back and forth between Eagle Point, OR and Berkeley, CA several times because my Mom lived in Berkeley. I also, on an incredibly stormy night when it was raining so much I could hardly see, drove to Sacramento, CA, because my friend in Texas sent me a puppy, and it was too darn expensive to fly the little thing into Medford, OR (which used to be the most expensive city in the US to fly into). So, I had memories of the drive – steep hills, fabulous views, Shasta Lake, etc.
When it was decided that some of us would caravan from California to Oregon for summer solstice, I told edelweiss of the incredible view from the summit of the Siskiyous into the valley on the opposite side of the freeway from Ashland (Oregon) and promised that we would stop at the summit so that she could take pictures. Then I regaled OH with tales of the Oregon Highway Patrol and how they didn’t like cars with CA licenses and would pull a person over for any infraction of the rules, especially speeding (I was once pulled over for a broken tail light – mind you no one else was on the road at the time).
So, edelweiss and OH arrived at my house, we set out the next morning and drove through CA… Because the scenery between the flatlands and the mountains is uninspired, it seemed like a long time before we got to the climb up the Siskyous. Finally, we start up the mountains. Hummm..I don’t remember driving down into this canyon before we had to drive up the next hill. And… I thought the hill before the summit was one straight line on the CA side – apparently not. And… where is the view from the summit?? Ah, there it is halfway down the other side, but… ack – there’s no place to pull over to take pictures.
Meanwhile, I don’t see an Oregon Highway Patrolman anywhere. Where are those California license hating cops?? Nary a one in sight… So instead of driving the speed limit, I go faster, thus confusing OH who is still looking out for OR cops. Then, I thought I had a clear memory of the placement of certain cities (like Eugene), but my memory wasn’t as clear as I thought it was. Huh…
We all know that places change with time, that’s a given. But placement of views, hills, and entire cities usually don’t. Do you ever have what you are certain are clear memories, then revisit and find that the road doesn’t curve the way you remember, or there’s an extra hill you forgot about, or the river is on the right side of the road instead of the left?
September 19th, 2008
It was a dark and …
starry night. It had been stormy earlier, but the front had moved on and left the night sky clear. It was about the only thing that was looking good at the end of this long day. It had just been one danged thing after another, one of those days when everything had gone wrong and everyone had been getting on my case. When I could finally come up for air I knew just where I needed to be; my favorite Bar & Grill.
The B&G is a bit off the beaten path, one of those cozy joints known mostly by word of mouth and hard to find. Even as many times as I’d been there, if I was headed there from a different neighborhood I might have trouble finding it. Fortunately I knew where to look for the trail of breadcrumbs. But tonight it wasn’t necessary.
I cruised through the parking lot first, looking to see who else might be around. The usual crowd was there, as far as I could tell. And it looked like Lori and Btuda had dropped in, too. I was glad to see that as we hadn’t seen them around much recently. When I went to open the door, I had some trouble. That was unusual and I wondered if the door was becoming warped from all the rain we’d had. I took a good grip on the handle and put my shoulder to the door until I felt it give a little. As I stepped into the place I could hear laughter and snatches of conversation. TwinkleToes was at the bar, bemoaning the fate of her tomatoes to GP who was listening with a sympathetic ear and dispensing advice. RSS was bartending tonight and I signaled to her for my usual - rocks, lots of salt - and took my glass over to the big corner booth where everyone habitually congregated. There were several conversations going on all at once and the air around the big table was filled with overlapping voices. A few of those voices had been out of town for a few days, but folks always found their way back to the B&G eventually
I heard someone say, ” …
August 10th, 2008
I was going to do a scene by scene of my arrival, fun times, and departure of San Fran, but really, you don’t want that many details. But I’ll break it down to the highlights. I arrived Wed after the plane, the airBART, the regular BART, walking uphill with a suitcase (ew) and plenty of nice conversations with strangers (the book I brought sucked). First thing I did in SF was meet Kay T (aka RWA roomie). Next thing I did was walk into a lobby with at least a hundred women talking romance, their voices like “chattering birds” (stole that from someone), their energy level sparking the mind. But that was nothing compared to the “Readers for Life” Literacy Autographing that night. Over 500 authors, a lot of the RWA members, and a huge smattering of the public filled up the enormous ballroom. I made a beeline to Suz Brockmann’s table- squeal squeal squeal- and then made my rounds around the place, picking up among others Kathleen O’Rielly’s Sex, Straight Up, which I’ve read since I’ve been back and found extremely well-written. As I’m making the end of my rounds I notice the raffle board and omibob I won two gift baskets. (Let me* say right now, Kay T actually dropped off my raffle tickets while I was in line for Suz- squeal- so I did share some of the goodies, though she wouldn’t take the seagull sculpture no matter how much I insisted. *grin*)
Thurs. was the beginning of the workshops (and the Goody Room, where I saw what made good promotional items and filled up a bag with the stuff). I got to see RSS again (yay! I was very lucky and got to spend a lot of time with RSS, all of it fabulous) and then Dee (first and last time I saw her at the conference; you need to get an elephant to sit on her to keep that CB in one place). The workshop to point out for that day is Watching the Detectives: Peek Inside a Real Detective Agency with Eileen Rendahl, who basically explained all the ins and outs of PI work and life. If anybody has a PI in their story, I’ll be happy to type up my notes from this one for you, cause wow was she informative. The luncheon during the afternoon had a very funny, funny speech by Victoria Alexander, who I must now read in the hopes she is just as funny in her books. I also went to the Moonlight Madness Bazaar (aka time to sell you stuff) and met the DH of a writer/blogger who did magic tricks. Spent more time talking to him than anyone else there (until he started to look like a young Tom Cruise which was a little freaky, cause ew) but he and his wife were very wonderful. Had the best time at dinner with RSS that night too, where I found out some more cool things about her and the family.
Fri. was the first all-day workshop day. There were three especially amazing wokshops. First, The 21st C Heroine: How Far She’s Come and Where She’s Heading (which included on its panel Kesington editor Kate Duffy who is completely hilarious; if you go to RWA next year make sure you go to one of her workshops). We had a very fascinating discussion that I learned a lot from (you burst with romance pride after this one). The second was World Building: Creating Your Own Universe. A lot of it was stuff I knew, and they were referring to contemporaries, but I had a lot of little light bulbs go off, which is the best response to have in a classroom (as opposed to yawning). And third was Sociopaths vs Psychopaths and the Serial Killer with Dr. Cynthia Lea Clark, and I must buy her books cause oh boy, the stuff she knows. I talked about her workshop often afterwards, which garners more strange looks than I was really expecting considering where I was. I also should mention the workshop with SEP and Jayne Anne Krentz, which was more entertaining than informative (not saying it’s a bad thing, I just found it to be so). I’d love to see Jenny with those two doing a ‘workshop’. This was also the night of the CB Get-Togther in Chinatown. I don’t really have words to describe just how it feels to be sitting and talking with CBs face to face. Most of you have experienced it, but it strikes me* every time by how wonderful it all is. Even if they think checking up to make sure they got home safely is something only a mother would do. Like if I wasn’t walking back with Kay T they wouldn’t have made me* do the same thing. CBs. Sheesh.
[BTW: I’m mentioning the names of the omibob workshops I went to because you can download the workshops from the website and you may want to look at a few to get a feel for them if you’ve never been to RWA. I’m not really suggesting any of the above three- first was more about being there, second was good but basically common sense, and the third will probably have a lot of blank spots as after her first five minutes of speaking we just peppered her with questions and I’m not sure how many she repeated for the mike. I did take good notes in the last one though, so again, will type them up if you so wish.]
Sat. had one very mentionable workshop (though there was another I liked, but mostly just because the people were so wonderful on the panel, all from Dorchester Publishing House)- From Cover Concept to Finished Cover, and this gave me a great view inside the marketing/sales/art dept. Don’t bother getting this one, you needed the images too, but I would love to go to another one like this. After that it was mostly zooming through book signings (cause at this point I really needed more books) instead of workshops. Then it was the awards ceremony, which I dragged Kay T to so I could see Suz emcee. As I said to Kay T, until RSS or another CB is up for an award, or someone like Jenny is doing host spot, I’m probably not going to another one. It was fun, and we got to sit in the finalist section (didn’t see the red rope, I swear officer), but once is plenty until a CB is nominated.
Sun. was not as fun, mostly cause I was leaving and partly because I had a monster headache. RSS, Kay T and I meet up and ate breakfast as lori’s diner (judging by the car in the middle of the place, let’s not have lori doing any driving any time soon). And then it was a plane ride and home, brimming with ideas, a headache, and the desire to go to RWA next year.
I really didn’t mean to do a play by play of the whole conference, but overall I have a few tidbits I picked up during the conference. One, get the vegeterian meal at lunch. Two, find a workshop with Kate Duffy in it. Three, learn as much as possible, but go to to at least one book signing during the weekend. Four, have Kay T drop your raffle tickets in the box if possible. Five, romance writers want to meet you and want to share as much knowledge as they can. Six, it truly is their refrain that the best book to write is the one you want to. Seven, stay in the hotel where the conference is at if possible; it truly is worth the money to be able to drop off stuff you pick up during the day instead of breaking your back (RSS lent me* her room for this reason).
And eight- it’s a magical experience, and I recommend it to anyone who loves romance- whether it’s reading, writing, or doing both with it. The energy you get can bring you into a new place in your writing and life. I’m so glad I finally went to one.
And don’t forget about Dr. T’s Scotland post below.
August 6th, 2008
Okey dokey. As I mentioned on the previous post, I think May is the best month for me* for a CB invasion of Scotland, and Christina said a weekend that month would also work for her.
So, I’ve setup the following blog http://scotlandwhackinvasion.blogspot.com as a place to scheme and plot and also to post travel and other info. Right now there’s nothing there to see. If anyone else wants posting privileges, just let me know. No furries, I’ve made it non-searchable, and non-something else. So hopefully it will be private.
Um, oh yeah, one more thing. I was thinking of maybe setting up an online vote to select a weekend in May, assuming May is good with everyone. Not that you all can’t come for longer, but it would be a definite date when folks could try to overlap their trips. Let me know if you think I should go ahead and do this.
And I apologize in advance for how expensive it is to visit here. (But I am THRILLED that folks want to come!)
August 5th, 2008
BCB took the original picture, and a little editing helped it out. Sorta!
A good time was had by all. Of course we discussed books. And RWAs. And the impossible aunt/sister/father/you fill in the blank that so many CBs seem to have. And the perfect children CBs have. And CBs who are reading. And CBs who are writing. And reasons that writing is difficult to do. (How can a person find time if that person is also holding down 1 or more jobs?) And the CBs who are strong. No need to discuss the weak ones, since we agreed there aren’t any.
Ya’d think with only 3 of us that lunch would be shorter than when there are more. Say not so! I’d have stayed longer, but I needed to dash home between thunderstorms. Thus the need to use my telephone to check out the storm paths. I LOVE my phone. So glad McB talked me into indulging. So JenB and BCB stayed a while longer. I wonder what they talked about.
One of our topics was about competition, and how I really don’t like competitive sports because they’re, well, competitive. BCB made the observation, that I’m very competitive. Moi? Yes. Absolutely, positively, even viciously. So JenB said how could that be, if I was against such. So I admitted that having that trait doesn’t mean I’m proud of it. The good news is that I’m most fiercely competitive against myself.
Anyhoo. How about you? Care to admit to a personality defect? Or, for that matter, a personality attribute that you’re proud of?
Oh. I’m a good listener.
August 3rd, 2008
OK - Here’s the schedule as I know it:
RWA Conference:
Wednesday evening: “Readers for Life” Literacy signing - which I assume folks will want to attend.
Thursday lunch: Luncheon with speaker
Friday lunch: Luncheon with speaker
Saturday night: Rita and Golden Heart Awards Ceremony - which I assume folks will want to attend.
So… As I see it, we have three choices:
Dinner either Thursday or Friday
Lunch Saturday afternoon
What is your choice? And what would you like to eat? I would think that someplace near the conference would be a good thing.
July 21st, 2008
Cannon Beach. Oregon.
Doesn’t it look professional? I love my 35mm camera.
July 19th, 2008
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