Dayton - the Canadian perspective

First and most importantly, we needed more time and all of the CBs together to do the event justice. Secondly, we packed a heck of a lot into twenty-four hours.

Scope and I left home Wednesday night after work. When we reached the border at 1am, it was a welcome sight. We gave the border guard most of the talking points. Scope wanted to give him all of Bob’s aliases but alias isn’t a word I’m comfortable using with a Customs and Immigration officer.

Me was her usual gracious, and gloating self. Apparently, Mike Rowe, from Discovery’s Dirty Jobs, had just finished his segment on a late night talk show. She was amused while she waited for us. I was disgruntled at missing out on him. Go to the link and you’ll see why. But I digress. Me made it up to me by gifting me with my very own Spartan. So while my dream time was short, it was very active - CBs and Spartans and Mike Rowe, oh my!

The drive to Dayton was punctuated by much hilarity. The Alcatraz Gentleman’s Club provided many questions. Who names these things? How is that good marketing and most frequently, WTH? My favourite was the CB Shop. It offered repairs and installation. How perfect. And every few miles I petted my Spartan.

Getting into Dayton was an adventure but once we walked into the hotel, it was obvious that the CBs would never make good covert operators. The front desk handed us our room keys before we even told them who we were. Scary.

Jenb was waiting for us. My initial impression was that she was going to raise our class quota considerably. She was gracious and kind and I had no idea why she and Scope were giggling while I was stacking our bags in the other room.

A few moments later the door opened and people spilled in. I recognized RSS, then arms enfolded me, Wapak, then a brunette, OH she said, I screamed, deafened her, then GP. Hugs and squeals all around.

This is when I started bargaining for someone else to go get Bryan. I was afraid that I was going to miss frivolity and merriment. I was assured nothing would happen while I was gone. So I changed into my CB uniform (In the darkness tee, black skirt and cherry heels) and dragged Me off with me to navigate. More assurances they would sit quietly and wait for us, a map from GP in case we had to meet them at The Cheesecake Factory instead of back at the hotel and off we went.

We met some strange Spartan-less woman who introduced herself to us as Lori. It was a brief meeting as we were already late for Bryan’s bus. Lori’s friend waved, the ships continued in different directions with more assurances that no one would have a good time until after we returned.

Poor Me was in a horrible state when we arrived at the terminal to find a distinct lack of Bryan. I was confident that if he wasn’t on the bus and hadn’t called me he was dead. One way or another. He’d tried to call my cell phone but I hadn’t heard it trill beneath all the squealing from two paragraphs back. Apparently his bus had been half an hour late. I assured him we would wait for him. I’m not so sure about Me. If it had come down to Bob or Bryan, it was a no-brainer. CBs are resourceful. Fortunately for Bryan, we had plenty of time to load his stuff into the car, jump up and down because he brought me, not her, a PopTart camera, and navigate the detours.

This is the picture taken by said PopTart camera, of Me as we crossed the parking lot to The Cheesecake Factory. Look at how Bryan is already distancing himself from us.

Was it my excitement over the camera, or Me’s anxiety about missing the book signing? I think it may have been the squealing.

As our reservations were set for 5:30 pm, we were directed to the bar to wait for the rest of our party. I looked over Me’s shoulder and saw a lovely young woman with a huge smile approaching us. It was Mandy and honestly she was exactly as I imagined her to be. She’d dusted off the cobwebs and joined right in with all the conversations like she’d known us forever. I felt bad that I had my back to Bryan but that’s the trouble with bar set-ups. It’s difficult to engage everyone simultaneously.

My phone rang. McB. Sounded like lots of frivolity and merriment in the background. She insisted I was mistaken. They were en route, had Scope so we should prepare ourselves. The excitement was high. We watched them parade past the window. Once they trooped in and we were all seated it was like a papparazzi convention. Cameras and flashes. Most of my pictures are blurry because people simply could.not.sit.still. Check out OH’s earrings.

Despite the fact that I didn’t think it was possible, the energy level ramped up to nuclear meltdown. Bob and Jenny had been spotted. They walked around the corner of that short wall and stopped dead. I wish someone had taken a picture of their faces. There’s no way I can describe the shock, honor, humility and affection in their expressions. Then Jenny stepped forward, spread her hands to indicate the 15 of us and asked, “Is this the best you could do?”

I was seated halfway down, between the two sets of tables so I was out of almost all the conversations. Bryan and GP discussed cameras, I had salad envy over Mandy’s dinner choice, and OH was beside me. OH!!!I kept rubbing up against her shoulder the way the cat does when I return home from a trip, reassuring myself she was real.

Bryan went down to sit with Bob, backup I suppose.

I imagine the conversation was minimal.

Bob:You with them?
Bryan: Maybe.
pause.
Bob:Thanks.
Bryan:Welcome.

~ I can’t believe CMS was eavesdropping - bjw

or vice versa.
Everyone gave Bob and Jenny gifts. I’d made cherrybomb bracelets for everyone. Bryan and Bob’s were made of black hemp. Bob wondered if it was a wrist strengthener, from The Colbert Report. I noticed he kept it on the table throughout the book signing.

I gave Jenny a stuffed flamingo dog toy from Ky to her dogs. She said Wolfie in particular would love it. After GP’s comment about Bob’s monosyllabic conversation, he opened right up; circulated around the table interacting with everyone.

It was all too soon before they were rushing to the bookstore across the street. Wapak herded us up and out of our seats, took care of the bill and all the CBs. She truly is the best hostess, most efficient, organized and dare I say it? punctual.

Dee and I broke free of the whack to retrieve Scope’s present for Bob from the car. By the time we got to Books and Co, the displays had been picked clean. It was a revelation to see McB’s pictures and all of the books on the table. Fortunately Scope had scooped some for me, not Me, she’d filled a basket of her own.

There were so many conversations swirling around that all I can truly remember is joy, and yes merriment and frivolity. Lots of it. I’m going to let the pictures tell the stories. Bryan telling stories…

I was laughing so hard at the way Bryan was trying to hide behind Agnes and everyone’s desire to be incognito…

Bob and Jenny were spot on, the best I’ve ever heard, and ever so gracious to those nonCbs.

We let other people in front of us in line so that they wouldn’t have to wait until midnight. Check on out the look on everyone’s faces as they watch Bob and Jenny interact with their fans.

Jenny was funny as always. Told everyone to ignore us. Ate one section of Bob’s KitKat then rewrapped the rest while he expounded on the joys of collaboration. It was such a treat to hear his voice. I think he was using the verbosity as a disguise.

I’m a horrible storyteller. I was simply full of joy to be surrounded by people who have held tight to my sanity when that was a task too big for me to undertake alone. I did notice how Bob held the corner of the mantle every time someone came around the desk for a photograph with the Authors.

I did have to chastise them, Jenny and Bob, for discussing Agnes complete with spoilers in front of people who hadn’t read the book yet. They both apologized.

I asked Jenny to sign a copy of the book-that-shall-not-be-named. She was appalled, even more so when Bryan told her he’d read it on the bus. Scope put her copy forward to sign and Jenny demanded we burn our books. That’s what she wrote inside them.

We lingered as long as we could. I asked Bob how he felt about all the power he wields. Omibob, Honest to Bob and Bobwilling. He laughed at the last one and muttered, “Not often.” Humour. Har.

When we finally managed to navigate the bookstore, I made three more purchases thank you Dee!,Wapak rounded us up and herded us back to the hotel. It wasn’t an easy task, as evidenced by the exhaustion of Dee’s oldest child…

We talked about all the CBs we’ve met or are desperate to meet(that would be all of you), wrote postcards - good job OH

I spilt my margarita all over myself when Scope said at her age she’d take sex where ever she could get it, even a camel. I had to go back to the room and change into my Spartan tee which I flaunted repeatedly in Lori’s face. Everyone distributed presents, shared stories about how they got to Dayton, previous CB meets (I do so pet my dog, Bryan) and how happy we were to be together. I truly don’t remember snippets of conversation. Dee was feeling sick, had her head on my shoulder.

Later she sat with her new MAC on her lap and tapped refresh for the B&G while in her sleep. It was funny. It was hard to let Lori, Mandy and Krista leave even though it was well past everyone’s bedtime and Mandy had an 830am class. Kids these days, no stamina.

We broke the party up some time after 2am. And met back downstairs at 9am for breakfast. It was surreal. Everyone was tired, talking about books, authors, travel plans, writing, mailing stuff out. There was a great discussion about the secret project, much admiration for other people’s contributions.

Gret is one of the best kids I’ve ever met. She contributed to discussions with intelligence and wit. Dee, who is an amazing woman, has raised an amazing young lady. They should both be proud.

RSS tells the funniest stories about how men and women relate. Perched forward on her chair with much handwaving to elaborate her point, she was intense… and funny… and accurate.

I didn’t think Bryan should be privy to such discussion but he did bear out her observations. He was a great sport about all the giggling, shopping, indecision. Not to mention,he held doors and took photos for everyone at the book signing.  There’s no way he could carry everyone’s books. Did you see those baskets?

GP made some excellent points about math and how we can use it without pain. I’m not sure how she feels with us using McB as a unit of measurement but seriously look at this picture…

There was some fascinating, honestly, discussion about geometry and time and airports and driving and math applied for all!  My brain didn’t hurt from it either.

Lori made me laugh so much when she showed us pictures of her shag carpeted walls. I actually thought they looked much better than expected but her descriptions of the tacky seventies colours, which I happen to adore, left me gasping for air.

jenb has such a soft gentle voice yet there’s a wealth of experience in her words that command attention.  She’s incredibly compassionate and heartfelt. I wish I’d had more time to spend with her one on one. Crammed beside her in the elevator simply didn’t cut it.

Krista and Me were huddled together on the floor, laughing and I have no idea what went on but there’s no way anyone would know Krista hadn’t been at the bar and grill before.

Mandy explained how nursing school kept her in the attic. We didn’t buy that excuse and her smile lit up the room every time I looked over at her on the floor with Lori, Krista and OH, who had the temerity to call that whack the “young CBs”.  She did assure me, not her but she’ll be glad to hear it too, that she, OH will still be happy to bring us cookies in the nursing home. And BBQ sauce.  Yumm.

McB made margaritas, and gave us golden shovels and taught Gret, Mandy and Krista about Readers.  Even when seated, she seemed to be in constant movement.

Wapak is hysterical. Every story about her small hometown, football season and MAX! were told in such a way that I felt part of her community. Ohio should hire her as a full-time ambassador.  I have never felt so welcome or appreciated as I did in Wapak’s suite.  Plenty of food, drinks and good friends. Imaginary or otherwise.

It was incredibly difficult to pull ourselves away. Wapak took jenb, RSS, and OH to the airport after some tearful hugs. We packed up our own room, and used GP’s math to fit all that stuff into my wonderful car.  This is where Bryan almost lost a hand by trying to help. I take packing very seriously. But it all fit. Nothing got left behind.  Not even that book Dee gave me when we were all ready to head over to Panera.

McB jumped into the car, onto my lap (Me was driving) and I got out, muttering it wasn’t legal. I had no idea we were only driving across the parking lot. I jumped into Dee’s van. We discussed Gret’s visit to Canaidia, possibly taking the van load on to Indiana with us. The Man, Dee’s Man, didn’t agree with the plan’s brilliance.

Jenny was not at Panera so we didn’t linger there but headed to the book store in the shopping mall so that Bryan could get a copy of Lost Girls.  No such luck with that but we did some serious shopping. Bryan and I were sitting by a car that I wanted him to win so that I could fit more stuff inside, when Me rushed out of the store to announce 85% off shoes. All we heard was the scurrying clatter from McB’s shoes as she headed off in pursuit of a sale.

Bryan was a good sport about all of the shopping. Although when he complained about being tired because of the long bus ride the night before and sleeping on a pullout couch, I couldn’t help myself. I laughed aloud. I slept on a pullout couch, different one people, sheesh, and drove for eleven hours to get to Dayton. I also planned to drive another three to get Bryan home. But it must have been irritating to check out shoes, earrings and colognes when all he wanted to do was read.

When we could put it off no longer, there was another round of tearful farewells. And then we were four.

I give Cathy a lot of credit for not batting an eye when we arrived far past dinner, bedraggled and giddy from so much merriment and frivolity. We consumed several glasses of wine and relayed much of the Dayton experience. I suspect we were a little punch drunk and incomprehensible. No one seemed to understand our hysterical laughter when her husband flipped through the channels to land on Sound of Music just in time for the So long, farewell song.  I think Lori sang a much better version.

Bryan escaped to work at the library on Saturday while Me, Scope and I toured Columbus with Cathy.  We took Scope to my favourite spot in town, the war memorial.

It’s an incredible space that never fails to choke me up and bring me outside of myself and all my petty little complaints.

From there we headed over to the Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau. Actually we slid in the door five minutes before they closed. That had been our modus operandi all day. No wonder people glared when we strolled into Cooks and Co. to buy an Agnes frying pan.

Once we arrived at the library, Me and Scope accosted the reference librarian (Bryan) for information about camels. I saw at least three textbooks reference books [ed.] on his desk.

Cathy and I sat in front of a fiction shelf and read the first sentence of no less than a dozen offerings. What an eye-opener. I think I’ll revisit my first sentence.

Bryan closed down the library and joined us on a journey for the best frozen custard where they had ta-da Cherry Bomb flavour.  See…

The rest of the evening involved more shopping, a few bad renditions of Motown’s greatest hits, packing and blogging. No matter where we go, we’re always connected. 

Bryan and I managed to squeak one of our lengthy debates into all of that activity. I was nonplussed when he pointed out that Mr. Black and White had switched positions with the Queen of Grey. I thought I was arguing dark grey and incredibly pale grey. That shut me up for a few hours.  I thought of a few more illustrations about it on the long drive home but refrained from calling him at 6am to continue the discussion. Who knew I had such restraint?

For those of you who are still with me, we said good-bye to Bryan and Cathy and her family before assuring them we would drive carefully, safely and embarked northeast.

A brief stop on the way home at 3am is why we didn’t call WapakGram…

…followed by an even briefer stop to drop off Me completed our journey to Dayton and elsewhere.  It was an amazing trip and no way my rambling post can convey all the emotions. Most importantly of all, the laughter.

Have shovel, will travel.

117 comments September 5th, 2007