Archive for October, 2008
I have been asked to write a post in remembrance of our dear friend Margaret, who passed away a year ago today. I am reluctant to do this. Because remembering is difficult and painful. But failing to remember is unforgivable. And some memories are inescapable. So I agreed.
A couple weeks ago I went out to eat dinner at a Mexican restaurant. The food arrived and I started to take a bite. And was suddenly, unexpectedly, swamped with memories of Margaret. When she and I first arranged to meet each other, more than two years ago, we decided to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant. At the time, Margaret’s appetite was “off” due to the chemo treatments. Nothing tasted right and she didn’t have much desire to eat, but she thought spicy Mexican food sounded good. So I was delighted that day when, after a couple hours of talking, she looked at her almost empty plate and could not believe she had eaten so much food. It was a small thing, but it felt like a triumph. She had been so busy talking and laughing she’d forgotten that food had lost its appeal. Sitting in the restaurant two weeks ago, I couldn’t help but remember. I had to set down my forkful of food and swallow a lump of memory, and tears, instead.
I missed her so much that day. So I went back and read several entries in Margaret’s blog, something I haven’t been able to do until recently, read again about her courageous fight with the cancer she ultimately couldn’t beat. And I was struck anew by two things. First, that she was so strong and determined and positive, so certain that the cancer was just an evil blip in her life, one that could be vanquished by a combination of good drugs and sheer will. And second, I was reminded of her dry self-deprecating humour that prevailed even when she was in the grips of pain and fear and uncertainty. Good lord, she was funny — and never more so than when she was facing a reality that was unspeakably grim.
She wrote this October 24, in what would be her last post, barely a week before she died:
This chemo gives me a red face, a strange rash, a bloated, pregnant-looking belly (oh, relax!), fabulous fingernails, and fatigue. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays I literally sleep 13-15 hours a day (12 hours at night frequently), and I rest on the couch for the rest of the time. I’m also gaining weight. I told my doctor that I don’t eat enough to be gaining weight at this rate, and when he just looked at me, I allowed that all 40+ women say that, but when I recapped just what I do eat, he had to agree with me. He reminded me that fluid (in my lung, around my heart, in my feet), has weight and volume and perhaps that may be what’s showing up on the scale. Of course, he’s not concerned–he’s not the one who has to go shopping.
Margaret had a rare ability to discern what was important without giving it undue weightiness, and to look lightly at the rest. She demonstrated how to face the prospect of death with dignity, recognizing its inevitability without acknowledging its imminence, yet at the same time, she lived life with gratitude and optimism. And with humour. So today, as difficult as it may be, please do take a moment to remember Margaret. In whatever manner you deem appropriate. She is a person, and hers is a life, worthy of remembrance.
There is an observance in the Jewish faith called Yahrzeit that calls for saying a prayer on the anniversary of a person’s death and lighting a candle, letting it burn for 24 hours. I’ll leave the saying of prayers for each of you to decide on your own. Prayers are meant to be personal and private. But I think we can light a virtual candle here in honour of Margaret’s memory and carry its light and warmth within us for one day. At least for one day.
October 31st, 2008
There’s a lot going on to fear nowadays. So in honor of Halloween, just a few days away, I present a list of more things to fear. Can you figure out what they are? I’ll give you some hints.
- Phobophobia: You’d better stop reading right now.
- Samhainophobia: You already ran away screaming in the first paragraph, didn’t you?
- Amnesiphobia: If you had what you’re afraid of, does that mean you would be cured, or simply forget that you’re afraid of it?
- Gamophobia: I suggest a name change. A true GAM would not have GAMophobia, and calling it that is an insult to GAMs.
- Ranidaphobia: I remember a conversation about Jen-T and Kermit…
- Gephyrophobia: A couple people visiting Portland suffered from this malady.
- Caligynephobia: Oh, so that’s why I scare away men?
- Logophobia: I’m pretty sure none of us have this.
- Bibliophobia: Thank Bob none of us have this.
- Arachibutyrophobia: Does it matter if it’s chunky or creamy?
- Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Thanks, just rub salt in my wound while you’re at it why don’t you.
- Porphyrophobia: Not me; it’s my favorite color!
There doesn’t seem to be a specific phobia relating to what’s going on in the world right now. Maybe we need to coin a new one. Recessiophobia? Electophobia?
What are you afraid of?
October 27th, 2008
After reading the very informative info from GG on SAD, I have not been able to get John Denver out of my head. So, in true CB tradition, you all get to have him as your ear worm! And if we have to explain to OH who he is, BCB if you please?
We all are facing some pretty significant milestones in our lives. Some are of the wonderful kind, some are of the awful kind, and some are of the “change” is good? or bad? kind. We can’t be Sisyphus, we HAVE to push that dang rock up and over that mountain.
I nearly had a coronary last night with my DDIL and MAX!. And it reminded me that you have to take happiness where you can get it, WHEN you can get it.
So with a tip of the hat to K.L., whose son has made her proud and happy, let’s have a happy day.
What is your happiest memory from YOUR life or that you have of YOUR children? Pollyanna has spoken.
My kids- DS1 telling me during the Mother/Son dance at his wedding that it was the best day of his life, and that he loved me and thanked me for everything.
DS2- all the times that he would get scared and slip his hand into mine and put his favorite blanket over his head. “Good bye, Cruel World!” If he didn’t like his situation, he would cover himself up and trust mom to make it better.
And MAX! saying Gamma for the first time…..
October 23rd, 2008
Ruts, everyone falls into them once in a while - some of us more than once in a while. For me, a rut is a comfort zone. I know where to go (or not go), what’s going to happen, how to react, and how to interact. Not very challenging, but not very scary either.
When I was young and chock full of energy, I was on the go almost all the time. I liked to travel, especially road trips, and see new places, meet new people – savor new experiences. However, even back then I would find myself hiding, as it were, in a rut from time to time. Especially if life had thrown me a curve ball, or hit me over the head with something large and solid. The tricky part was figuring out how to climb back out of my rut, because once I was settled in and comfortable, I was disinclined to get out and face the possibility of getting smacked again. When I’m in a rut, I tend to think negatively more often. I believe it’s a way of staying in the rut rather than taking another chance.
This world and this life can be a terribly demanding and daunting place. It speaks to the human spirit that most of us keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. Do you find yourself in a rut from time to time? How do you dig yourself out? What motivates you to seek out new challenges? Inquiring minds want to know…
October 20th, 2008
Ky takes that command quite seriously as you can see.
Just thought I’d share while we waited for the next post
October 16th, 2008
It has been said before that CherryBombs get along amazingly well considering how different we are from each other. CherryBombs as a group span generations, cultures and socio-economic … whatever. I never did know what that meant. The point is, although we generally originate from North America, and we all love to read, outside of those points we don’t have much in common. Or do we?
While randomly clicking my way across the internet recently I came across a series of articles from Time Magazine on the study of happiness. Here’s the first link I stumbled on, in case you are interested in following the bouncing ball. Ironically, although many studies have been done down through the ages on unhappy people, the idea of studying why so many people are generally happy seems to be a fairly recent one. Sounds pretty backwards to me. Anyway, the articles had much to say about the state of happiness, including the question of just how much control we have over it. Some say that happiness works like personality, and that to some extent it’s preordained. Which doesn’t mean that good or bad events are preordained, just how we handle them. One thing I really did agree with is that most people have a kind of median happiness, a general level that they tend to return to eventually, even after thrilling or devastating events.
What does this have to do with CherryBombs? I think that one of the biggest things we all have in common is that we are generally happy people. I don’t mean annoyingly perky; centered might be a better word. By and large, all things being equal, taking everything into consideration and all those other stock phrases (did I miss any?) we are a fairly content group. We have all gone through, or are currently going through, tough times; but we keep returning to our median state of being, generally, positive. We like being happy and, in spite of whatever else is going on we don’t give in, but, rather, we keep trying to get back there. The B&G is kind of like our lighthouse in that respect: a promise of dry ground, a place to rest if only for a short time, and the knowledge that we aren’t alone. Not so surprisingly, one of the things that came out of all the studies is the importance of social contact. Well, we already knew that, didn’t we? That’s why we’re here. There also seems to be some connection between happiness and a willingness to be distracted. That is, even while going through bad times, a predominantly happy person will still occasionally laugh, smile, be happy for other people and just plain think about other things from time to time. Every CherryBomb knows how important that is. And while we enjoy the margaritas, chandeliers, and poles to swing on, I don’t believe anyone here confuses things with happiness.
What’s your take on this? Do you think you are preordained to be a happy person or is it a choice you’ve made?
October 12th, 2008
I had an epiphany this morning over my yogurt and granola. I’m actually quite smart. People respect my opinion and look to me for guidance. I know that seems like a ridiculous epiphany. I’ve always known those things. The primary difference was the epiphany was prompted by someone who is far better educated than I, with a very successful business, who runs in some swanky circles.
I tend to walk around feeling like my knowledge isn’t up to par. Friends don’t hesitate to tell me I’m wrong or offer suggestions about how I can improve my diet, my health, my relationships, my job etc etc. Admittedly I’ve set that dynamic up by constantly asking for advice in the past, always questioning my own skills or contributions. I figured out some time ago that I have a great deal more value than I give myself credit for but not everyone has caught up to that change in attitude.
It makes me wonder if I’ve missed changes in other people. Have I seen their growth or do I continue to behave as if they are the same old person with insecurities or negative thought patterns?
We all evolve. It’s part of life. I suppose sometimes we slip backwards as well. But how aware are we of the evolution of those around us?
It’s not that the person who respected my opinion yesterday was special or better than my friends. I think in part it was because they don’t know me as the insecure, underconfident being who looked for answers everywhere. Not to implie I’m self-contained and have no need for those friendships, advice or counsel. Friendships are important. History is important. So is listening.
I’m going to actively listen to those around me and see if perhaps I’m not the only one who has changed. I’m thinking Bob is right. Change is extremely difficult. So is recognizing it.
October 8th, 2008
Notes to self: 1. Don’t bother taking pics with the cell phone of the sun rising. Too much contrast. 2. Don’t challenge a log truck on the highway. They simply take any lane they want whenever they want. 3. Write the highway depts. of NC and VA thanking them for the many rest stops. (I know them all.). 4. Turn on the Sunday AM Bluegrass gospel radio station to keep awake while driving after going to bed at 3:00 AM. Singing along helps. Especially “I’ll Fly Away.”
A good time was had by all at the Chesapeake Bay Whack. 4 CBs and 2 guests. I personally worked hard on indolence, and I think maybe everybody else did, too.
We didn’t work very hard on laughter. It just came naturally. This time we all brought meal fixin’s. Supper Friday was spaghetti, fancy salad with weird colorful things in it, and bread. RSS and McB did that one. Saturday breakfast was scrambled eggs, bacon and more bacon, and biscuits by Dee. Saturday supper was bean and tortellini soup and chicken Caesar salad by moi. The really big food surprise was when I got up Sunday, tiptoed down stairs all packed, only to discover Dee had already got up and made coffee and started her sausage and egg and cheese and biscuit casserole baking so that I could leave at 8:00. Just about made me cry, someone getting up and fixing a meal to accommodate me*. She’s a jewel.
And speaking of Dee, she attempted to catch a fish and succeeded in catching a sunburn instead. Meanwhile McB and I listened to the trials and tribulations of RSS’ wonderful work in progress. It’s gonna be a winner. By the way, I took them on a little trip in the Geekmobile and didn’t even force them to take off their shoes to get in. The gracious Geekmobile Goddess did speak to them all about plotting our trip into uncharted territory.
Another by the way, the Geekmobile had to have an infusion of 10% ethanol + gas, since that was all that was available at the Bay. The mileage is noticeably lower, but it would only be a calculated guess since I topped the tank off with the stuff and would have to assume complete mixing of gasolines, etc.
We had a marathon discussion after Saturday supper on … Ta Da … novels, good and bad and writers, good and bad. They’ve convinced me to try Dick Francis.
Thank you, OH; none of us could remember who wrote the Malory series. I tell you true, if we did Trivial Pursuit on novels with that Whack of CBs, I would definitely be the loser.
October 5th, 2008
If not, you probably will be after this post. Muuahahahahhh. Hmm, haven’t practice my evil laugh in a while. I think it needs work.
Given the number of times food and drink creep into our conversations, I’m fairly certain that I’m not alone in my love of food. All types of food. I think one of the hardest questions anyone can ask me is what is my favorite food. It’s right up there with if there was only one book you could take to a desert island, what would it be. My response: One? I can only pick one?
Sometimes I think I could eat spaghetti with marinera sauce and parmesean cheese for weeks on end. When I was considering moving to Scotland, one of the foremost questions in my mind was whether I would be able to get black beans. Because I’m not sure I want to find out how long I can live without having a black bean and grilled veggie quesadilla. Italian food, Thai food, Chinese food, TexMex food, Middle Eastern food, Indian food, even a good ol’ grilled burger. My version is a Original Garden Burger with pepper jack cheese, pickles, tomato, lettuce, and a little bit of spicy mustard on a toasted whole grain bun. Yeah, baby.
Hungry yet? Muahahahahahaa. There, that one was a bit better.
And this time of year, the fresh fruits and veggies that are available right out of the garden or orchard. Slices of a perfectly ripe tomato sprinked with salt. Freshly picked sweet corn. An apple right off the tree. The perfect peach and berry cobbler, bubbling right out of the oven. Hot apple crisp. Pie. Chocolate….
Mmmm, I don’t know about you, but my mouth is watering.
One type of food that I really, realy love but rarely get to eat is Japanese. Yummmm. I don’t get to eat it very often, partly because I’ve never really learned to cook anything Japanese other than teriyaki salmon, and partly because good Japanese restaurants - heck any Japanese restaurants, are few and far between. And they’re usually expensive. And I’m a snob when it comes to Japanese food. While in Australia, it occurred to me that this might be my best chance in the foreseeable future to get good Japanese food. Lots of Japanese folks in Australia. Hence, there must be at least one good Japanese restaurant in the Brisbane, right?
Google to the rescue! And on my last day in Brisbane, I had two goals: see a bit of the city and eat lunch at Mizu. Hopefully this weekend, I’ll be able to get pictures up on my blog about the first part. But below are pictures of my lunch at Mizu, which by the way, I heartily recommend if you ever find yourself in Brisbane. It was simple Japanese food at it’s best. Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure I was making yummy noises as I was eating.
This is their vegetarian bento box. Two avocado sushi rolls, vegetable tempura with dipping sauce, rice, agedashi tofu, and a salad with the yummy ginger-soy dressing that I can only seem to find in Japanese restaurants. On the left is the cold sake that I tried. It was very, very nice on that hot sunny day.
For dessert, I had green tea ice cream, which I order whenever I have the opportunity. I’m not kidding. Last time I was in Japan, I probably ate it at least 6-7 times. This ice cream was very tasty, but not the best I’ve ever had, alas. Just an ever-so-slight let down. Very pretty presentation, though.
I savored and enjoyed this lunch like I haven’t one in a long, long time. After all, who knows when the next time I will get another really good Japanese meal.
So what foods would cause you to make yummy noises while you’re eating?
Oh, and before I forget. I did promise to try to bring back some Aussie lads. Given that I was conferencing most of the time, I didn’t have too many opportunities to set out lures. But not wanting to come back empty handed, I did happen to find these fellows. Not sure if it’s what you were expecting, but it’s the best I could do. Enjoy! :+)
October 1st, 2008
